[TK Doom]

So, umm, this is the only mature (and I use that term a bit loosely) forum that I frequent.

The wife is divorcing me. I'm shellshocked.

Does anyone know anything about CA Divorce law? Or can provide me with links? We're hoping to do it amicably, cause right now she says that she only wants her $45k car (which is not anywhere near paid for) and $5k to start her off. My plan is to get the house "quitclaimed" on Wednesday (was purchased by me prior to marriage and she was later added) and I make 1/2 more than her at most points, so she could never have afforded any of this.

She claims that she won't be destroying me monetarily as well as emotionally, but I guess I know on Wednesday if she signs off.

Woe is me x 10000000000000000000000000000000.

 

[Billy Bob]

Sorry to hear that TK. The bright side of things is you can meet a new girl easy at places like Match or yahoo personals that make good money.

Before I got divorced my wife made half as much money as me and now my new girlfriend makes more than twice as much as me. Life is sometimes better after a divorce. We plan to get married.

It's hard what you are going thru now because the same thing happened to me. I feel your pain.

 

[pinotnoir]

Sorry to hear of your situation.

My advice is, get a lawyer immediately and get whatever agreements you can in writing as quickly as humanly possible. Amicable is a great goal, but she could very well start rethinking what she's entitled to, and suddenly you'll have to sell your house (or worse) to pay her off.

 

[tjfunny1]

The problem with divorces lies with when lawyers get involved. My ex told me the same thing until she spoke to her lawyer. Everything changed after that. In fact, I was lucky to have my shirt when it ended.

Best advice, get a lawyer to represent you ONLY. Of course, California law may have statues regarding "quick-claim" assignments around the same time as the breakup.

My old father used to say, "Never trust words or promises in the dark more than hard legal agreements". People can say most anything, but change their minds later. Get anything in writing, but watch how you get that (even if it is signed, it won't hold up unless it was legally drawn up). The courts usually take the female side most of the time, and you are the "Bad Guy".

Tread lightly, be nice, and reasonable. Get a lawyer!
2cents[xx(]

 

[cvayala]

I believe.....

Community property, that is property that was acquired after the nuptials, WILL be split evenly, regardless of who made what money.

Also, since you were making more money, you may have to pay alimony.

You do however get to keep the house since it was yours prior to the marriage. Get that quit-claim taken care of as soon as possible.

And like somebody else said, get a lawyer to represent you NOW!!!!

Sorry to hear about your situation.

 

[tiggerfink]

You’re screwed. Keep the lawyer out, unless she is mega wealthy movie star.

 

[TK Doom]

thanks guys...glad to know I could be screwed either way...[]

 

[tjfunny1]

Being an experienced divorcee, I know why a lawyer is required regardless of the settlement values.

The very best you can hope for is a equal split. If she only wants a car and some cash, get a good lawyer to write it up, and file before her girlfriends try to change her mind! Don't even look at another woman until it is filed and complete!

Your observation regarding whether she can 'afford' any of it is not accurate. If you can afford it, she can. Here is the math:

Lawyer + judge + crying, mistreated woman = 150% of your worth!

In Georgia, the man's income becomes community property (fair game), and subject to strange separation of assets (sometimes more than what the guy earns, or expected to earn in the future).

If she is accustomed to a living style, they can drill you. I have a nephew who refused a lawyer, and he had to get 3 jobs to cover the support of this under-achiving ex. The courts don't look at logic, they rule on opinions and hearsay.

My first divorce was the best; an equal split of assets, low child support, and no alimony! I came to realize that was the best after my 2nd wife tried to fleece me out of my retirement after only 2 years of marriage (my lawyer cost me a big fee, but it was much better in the long run).

My current motto is forget marriage, press for long running relationships, treat them nice (funny how some react to an engagement ring). The laws of our land don't make marriage a good bet. Your settlement will depend on whether your lawyer is better than hers (don't be cheap or bargain hunt for that, treat it like looking for a heart doctor). Of course, if you like living on the run, or living in a cardboard box on the beach, then forget a lawyer & run.

Making the wrong decision could haunt you for many, many years!!

 

[Shinigami]

Sorry to hear that :Why does she want to divorce all of a sudden?

 

[BlueBenz]

Sad news TK.. I've been there too, so know how u are feeling. My advice is to keep the lawyers out, as they are expensive and will put ideas into your wifes head. If she has made a reasonable offer, and it sounds as she has, then take that and get what you can. My ex-wife left with only her car and a little bit of cash... i got the rest. But then i made much more than her and paid much more. She knew she couldn't fight so walked away. If your wife gets a lawyer he'll screw you for everything, so my advice is to do it amicably, communicate with your "wife", that way it will be financially and emotionally easier.

 

[430]

Sorry to hear the news TK. I find that things tend to work out for the best in the end. So while it may suck now in the end you will end up being better off.

Like others suggested get an attorney. She is going to get one and he/she is going to try and convince your wife to go after more of you assets.

I have a co-worker who wsa divorced and after the huge child support award he pretty is pretty much screwed. She was awarded something like 30%+ of his gross earnings.

As Chris Rock says: "What is all this accustomed to shit... I want to hear a man get up in court and say 'look here you honor I am accustomed to getting a little something something times a week'"

 

[YellowSLK230]

If she quitclaims the house tomorrow, get some amicable settlement paperwork from software packages or legal stationary sources and keep the lawyers out of it; you will both win, financially and emotionally. If either of you bring in an attorney, the other MUST bring in one also, and you will likely end up paying the fees of BOTH attorneys as they fight each other for their chunk of your assets, at your expense, at hundreds of dollars per hour. They will win and you and your ex-wife will both lose. As long as things are going reasonably, get it done quickly and like she says she wants it done if you can live with it; she is acting reasonably and without vindictiveness. It can still be done cheaply in California if both parties act reasonably; what she is proposing is MORE than fair and she is seeking peace rather than money; give it to her.

 

[John Boy 330xi]

Sorry to hear about it man. But a few of these guys are right, I know its not what you want to hear at the moment, but, you need to start healing right away. I woe'd is me'd to long and I got fucked up for it. I like many of the guys say here, met another person after my divorse that I've been together with for over 22 years! She's gone through everything with me. There is life after divorse man. Just put on your battle gear and your poker face and GET THROUGH THIS. Men take divorse 3 times harder than a woman, so brotha, my prayers are with you.

Good luck.

 

[Bruce R.]

Best of luck to you, but cover your a$$......

 

[TXmudman]

I will spare you my sob story, but I think that you need to take control of what you can right away, and since she is setting the terms thus far, I'm not sure that you're as in control as you think that you are, even with the higher salary.

I think that for less than $1000 you can have a lawyer write you a bullet-proof quit-claim deed for the house. You also need to have a document written that she signs that gives her full financial responsibility for the car, if your name is on it, too. Even if this is not enforceable, she will have a hard time getting money out of you for the car, which you do probably owe half of, and own half of, since it was acquired during your marriage. Do something in writing about your retirement savings and hers acquired since you've been married; perhaps she will sign something to leave yours alone if you leave hers alone.

Watch your back, homeboy. Others may be influencing her more than you think. You need some legal advice.

 

[LudaCris]

As a lawyer that's divorced and has practiced in divorce for many years, taking control of matters is indeed the best advice you can preliminarily get. Next, get somebody like me fast. Considerations will arise soon that you haven't even contemplated yet as you're still shell shocked. An attorney experienced in divorce will raise those considerations. That's about the only legal advice I'd give on this forum.

 

[LudaCris]

As a lawyer that's divorced and has practiced in divorce for many years, taking control of matters is indeed the best advice you can preliminarily get. Next, get somebody like me fast. Considerations will arise soon that you haven't even contemplated yet as you're still shell shocked. An attorney experienced in divorce will raise those considerations. That's about the only legal advice I'd give on this forum.

 

[LudaCris]

Oh, I do give personal advice though. After posting the above, I went back to the top of the thread and noticed you were running an SLK320 Sport. Even a ripe 53 year old bastard like myself has no problem with women when he has a couple of Benzes. Definitely keep the car. Current girlfriend: 34 year old Filipina model. You'll do just fine.

 

[KishanShah]

Like everyone said, HURRY UP with all the proceedings, get the House in your name immediately. Get the car and $5k in writing. I hate to say it this way, but this is now business, no longer marriage, so conduct it like business. No fighting, no cursing, just get everything done in writing. You don't want to pay alimony nor give this woman more than what she deserves.


I'm sorry if I sound a bit harsh, but let's be honest here. Like Bruce said, God luck but CYA.

We're always here for ya.

[8)]

 

[Kirill]

I have no idea about divorces, i not even married. But i suggest you ask a lawyer to draft a letter of release from your wife there she agrees to release all claims against you in exchange of the car and 5k$, and have her sign it. Add out something nice there, full car detail, new tires, free gas for a year, but get that letter, before she starts to think taping in to your retirement. Say you need this letter ASAP, so you can refinance the house to get a better rate (and you want to do it just so if you miss a payment it wouldn't be bad for her credit history).