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2004 Acura TL, 1999 GMC Yukon
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1,658 Posts
Discussion Starter #1
Oil Change instructions for Women:
*
1)* Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last
oil change.
2)* Drink a cup of coffee.
3)* 15 minutes later, write a check & leave with a properly maintained
vehicle.
*
Money spent:
Oil Change $20.00
Coffee $1.00
*
Total $21.00
*
==========================================================
*
Oil Change instructions for Men:
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1)* Drive to O'Reilly Auto Parts buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter,
hand cleaner & a scented tree, write a check for $50.00.
2)* Stop by 7/11 & buy a case of beer, write a check for $20, drive home.**
3)* Open a beer & drink it.
4)* Jack car up.* Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
5)* Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
6)* In frustration, open another beer & drink it.*
7)* Place drain pan under engine.*
8)* Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
9)* Give up & use crescent wrench.
10)* Unscrew drain plug.
11)* Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process.
Cuss.
12)* Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face & arms.* Throw
kitty litter on spilled oil.
13)* Have another beer while watching oil drain.
14)* Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
15)* Give up; crawl under car & hammer a screwdriver through oil filter &
twist off.
16)* Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil
everywhere from holes.* Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in
trash can to avoid environmental penalties.* Drink a beer.
17)* Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to
gasket surface.
18)* Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
19)* Remember drain plug from step 11.
20)* Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.*
21)* Drink beer.
22)* Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.* Throw
kitty litter on oil spill.
23)* Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill.* Drink beer.
24)* Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag
used to clean drain plug.* Slip with stupid crescent wrench
tightening drain plug & bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin
between knuckles & frame.
25)* Begin cussing fit.
26)* Throw stupid crescent wrench.
27)* Cuss for additional 5 minutes because wrench hit bowling trophy.
28)* Beer.
29)* Clean up hands & bandage as required to stop blood flow.
30)* Beer.
31)* Dump in 5 fresh quarts of oil.
32)* Beer.
33)* Lower car from jack stands.
34)* Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during
any missed steps.
35)* Beer.
36)* Test drive car.
37)* Get pulled over:* arrested for DUI.
38)* Car gets impounded.
39)* Call loving wife; make bail.
40) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

Money spent:
*
Parts $50.00**
DUI $2500.00**
Impound fee $75.00**
Bail $1500.00**
Beer $20.00
*
Total -- $4,145.00
*
But you know the job was done right!
 

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1981 300 SD, 1991 Geo Metro 4-door Automatic
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487 Posts
Sounds like my oil changes, except:

Wife's oil change: Asks (which is to say Tells) me to change the oil. Her cost: $0.00

8 quarts of oil instead of 5,
A bit less beer (to avoid the DUI)

Otherwise, that pretty much sums it up.

Went to Jiffy-Lube once, they forgot to replace the front drain plug on an '85 Lincoln (Ford 302 engine)...surprised me to find the oil light coming on a few miles away from the shop after my oil change!
 

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1983 300 SD, 1991 420 SEL, 1979 300SD
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536 Posts
that's why i don't trust most mechanics; i've always done my own work since i was 18. i used to deliver parts to firestone stores and i would see and hear from the mechanics what they would do to cars so the customers would come back (i remember one time a mechanic bragged about cutting someones CV boot so they would come back in a few months, totally disgusting). i even take the wheels off my cars if they need new tires and take em to the tireplace. the only time i take any vehicle to the shop is for alignments and i've been using the same shop for over 15 years and there is only one person at that shop that knows how to do the alignment on MB's (i totally trust him). i'm not saying that all mechanics are like that, but there sure are a lot out there that do bad things.
 

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1981 300 SD, 1991 Geo Metro 4-door Automatic
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487 Posts
I'm sure they are out there, but I don't believe I've ever encountered a malicious mechanic, but it seems that there are a lot of incompetent ones out there...
 

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SuperModerator
1986/1990 W126
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14,142 Posts
There are many, many dodgy mechanics out there. The less you know about the car the more vulnerable you are. I have some woman friends who have suffered badly like this and it really annoys me.
I know an honest one and I even gave their number to a stranger in the street who I overheard telling her friend about what she was being told and charged by her garage.

The first post makes me chuckle :)
 

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91 MB 420sel, 93 190E 2.6
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343 Posts
I am a nissan technician. 2 out of 8 techs at work are 100% crooks and 2 are border line ones. I cannot even look at the first two from fear of throwing up in their faces. The rest of the crew is great - honest and very knowledgeable.
 

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'82 Euro 500SEL, '85 Euro 500SEC AMG WB Cabriolet,'86 Euro 500SEC RUF
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9,487 Posts
The Quick lube place(made sure not to remember name), near the car wash on Palmdale blvd. in Palmdale, CA. told me I needed a new Fuel filter because they could see it was almost full....so I asked them to show it to me, then they could not find it....they did , however know how to change oil... I paid for the oil change then went with the tech under the car to show them where the fuel filter was, and asked how they could "See" it was almost full,...red faced is an understatement. I never went back.
 

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Premium Member
2012 CL550 4MATIC Coupe
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9,992 Posts
The Quick lube place(made sure not to remember name), near the car wash on Palmdale blvd. in Palmdale, CA. told me I needed a new Fuel filter because they could see it was almost full....so I asked them to show it to me, then they could not find it....they did , however know how to change oil... I paid for the oil change then went with the tech under the car to show them where the fuel filter was, and asked how they could "See" it was almost full,...red faced is an understatement. I never went back.
I know where that place is.

I HATE doing my own oil changes! Hate it! But I do it every 2500-3000. Pep Boys has been running a deal lately: 5 qts of Castrol GTX 20-50 oil and a filter for $20.00! And you can do two deals in the same transaction so you get ten quarts, plenty to do the one change, and two spares that last till the next change. I still buy a factory Bosch filter because the PB cheater is not up to Bosch standards and does not include the crush washers like the OEM one does.
 

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1983 300SD, 2013 C250
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374 Posts
Haha you made me smile:D
 

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1983 300 SD, 1991 420 SEL, 1979 300SD
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536 Posts
speaking of 20W-50; i recently bought a 91 420SEL and looking through the receipts i see they used 20W50 since pretty much the first oil change. i thought that was a very heavy oil for the M116, but i haven't had time yet to look at the factory oil specs. i'm guessing that oil weight is correct?
 

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'89 560SEC, '90 560SEL
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681 Posts
I love changing my oil, the only real hassle is getting rid of the used oil. I have a pancake catch pan that fits under my car, so no need to even jack it up. Costs me about $60 for full synthetic, I know it's done right, and it takes maybe half an hour.
I can't see paying someone to do it as long as I can lift a wrench, and if I did it'd be an independent mechanic. I don't trust the quick-change places. There are a few good ones, but most of them employ people who don't have much (if any) mechanical skills. My sister had the transmission fluid changed several years ago: they managed to cross-thread a fitting, barely managed to get it to stop leaking, and refused to actually fix it. Then they usually push inferior oils and unnecessary extras; the best I've heard of is the "engine shampoo." There's one born every minute...
 

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1990 300SE
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275 Posts
I love changing my oil, the only real hassle is getting rid of the used oil. I have a pancake catch pan that fits under my car, so no need to even jack it up. Costs me about $60 for full synthetic, I know it's done right, and it takes maybe half an hour.
I can't see paying someone to do it as long as I can lift a wrench, and if I did it'd be an independent mechanic. I don't trust the quick-change places. There are a few good ones, but most of them employ people who don't have much (if any) mechanical skills. My sister had the transmission fluid changed several years ago: they managed to cross-thread a fitting, barely managed to get it to stop leaking, and refused to actually fix it. Then they usually push inferior oils and unnecessary extras; the best I've heard of is the "engine shampoo." There's one born every minute...
I always thought that synthetic engine oils were not supposed to be used on our W126 engines?
 

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1990 420 sel 213,800 replaced water pump and radiator; the timing chain good
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268 Posts
Jiffy Lube doesn't do 420sel's, can't reach the oil filter from under the car.

Mechanics working on the top side don't have tools to loosen the oil filter cover.

20-50W oil works fine in Las Vegas during the summer, I use 10-40W in the fall, winter and spring.
 
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