BW R/C107 SL/SLC Class GTG..NSFW
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83 280 SL- 5 speed-The PIG
Joined
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35,933 Posts
That is so me.
Usually I find the bolt I need in one of those piles after I dive 20 miles to go buy one.Yeah, never throw out a good bolt. And if you need two screws, buy a box
Even the cavemen had needs.
![Cartoon Vertebrate White Organism Mammal]()
On her birthday, this young woman wasn’t sure what her husband had planned. During a work lunch that afternoon, she ate three plates of beans, which she had a feeling would be a huge mistake…
When she got home, her husband had prepared a special dinner for her. So he blindfolded her and sat her at the table. When their house phone rang, he had to answer it, but she promised not to remove the blindfold while he took the call…
At that moment, the three plates of beans she had for lunch finally caught up with her. As she puts it “The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my boyfriend was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump!”
While she could hear her boyfriend talking on the phone she continued to relieve herself. “I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable!”
When the call ended, she attempted to air the room out by waving a napkin around. Then she told her boyfriend she hadn’t peeked…
“At this point, he removed the blindfold, and 12 dinner guests seated around the table with their hands to their noses chorused, ‘Happy Birthday.’”
When she got home, her husband had prepared a special dinner for her. So he blindfolded her and sat her at the table. When their house phone rang, he had to answer it, but she promised not to remove the blindfold while he took the call…
At that moment, the three plates of beans she had for lunch finally caught up with her. As she puts it “The beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming unbearable, so while my boyfriend was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a garbage dump!”
While she could hear her boyfriend talking on the phone she continued to relieve herself. “I went on releasing atomic bombs like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable!”
When the call ended, she attempted to air the room out by waving a napkin around. Then she told her boyfriend she hadn’t peeked…
“At this point, he removed the blindfold, and 12 dinner guests seated around the table with their hands to their noses chorused, ‘Happy Birthday.’”
83 280 SL- 5 speed-The PIG
Joined
·
35,933 Posts
Credited to MrElbe:
Moshe wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.
You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
Moshe groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
Moshe perks up. So, the doctor says, "You and your wife must decide how many inches you want. But understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
Moshe agrees to talk it over with his wife Zelda. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes, I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes," says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite countertops."
Moshe wakes up in the hospital bandaged from head to foot.
The doctor comes in and says, "Ah, I see you've regained consciousness. Now, you probably won't remember, but you were in a huge pile-up on the freeway.
You're going to be okay, you'll walk again and everything, however, your penis was severed in the accident and we couldn't find it."
Moshe groans, but the doctor goes on, "You have $9000 in insurance compensation coming and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great but they don't come cheap. It's roughly $1000 an inch."
Moshe perks up. So, the doctor says, "You and your wife must decide how many inches you want. But understand that you have been married for over thirty years and this is something you should discuss with your wife. If you had a five incher before and get a nine incher now she might be a bit put out. If you had a nine incher before and you decide to only invest in a five incher now, she might be disappointed. It's important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision."
Moshe agrees to talk it over with his wife Zelda. The doctor comes back the next day, "So, have you spoken with your wife?"
"Yes, I have," says the man.
"And has she helped you make a decision?"
"Yes," says the man.
"What is your decision?" asks the doctor.
"We're getting granite countertops."
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