Mercedes-Benz Forum banner

501 - 508 of 508 Posts

·
Outstanding Contributor , Bob's Your Uncle!
-----'83 280 SL----- 5 speed....The PIG
Joined
·
29,507 Posts
Discussion Starter #502
St. Peter stood at the Pearly Gates, waiting for the incoming, and he needed to use the restroom. He saw Jesus walking by and caught his attention.

"Jesus, could you mind the gate while I go take a leak?"

"Sure," replied Jesus. "What do I have to do?"

"Just find out about the people who arrive. Ask about their background, their family, and their lives. Then decide if they deserve entry into Heaven."

"Sounds easy enough," Jesus shrugged.

So Jesus waited at the gates while St. Peter went off on his errand. The first person to approach the gates was a wrinkled old man. Jesus summoned him to a chair in front of a Heavenly desk and sat across from him.

Jesus peered at the old man and asked, "What was it you did for a living?"

The old man replied, "I was a carpenter."

Jesus remembered his own earthly existence and leaned forward.

"Did you have any family?" he asked.

"Yes, I had a son,” the old man nodded, “but I lost him."

Jesus leaned forward some more.

"You lost your son? Can you tell me about him?"

"Well, he had holes in his hands and feet,” the old man said tearfully.

Jesus leaned forward even more and whispered, "Father?"

The old man leaned forward and whispered, "Pinocchio?"
 

·
Premium Member
1983 380SL, 2000 S430, 1991 420SEL (retired) - RHD
Joined
·
5,514 Posts
In the Canary Islands there are no canaries. In the Virgin Islands , guess what...
 

·
Premium Member
1983 380SL, 2000 S430, 1991 420SEL (retired) - RHD
Joined
·
5,514 Posts
A pro golfer was driving his new Cadillac convertible and stopped for gas at a gas station. A young boy of about 12 was inspecting the car and noticed some tees on the floor in front of the driver's seat. " What are those ? " he asked the pro. " Tees " said the pro. " What are tees ? " the kid asked.
" You put your balls on them when you're driving " the pro said.
The kid replied " Man those Cadillacs have EVERYTHING "
 

·
Outstanding Contributor , Bob's Your Uncle!
-----'83 280 SL----- 5 speed....The PIG
Joined
·
29,507 Posts
Discussion Starter #506
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance. She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally he gets his suit.

He decides to buy flowers, so he goes to the flower shop. The flower shop has a long line, so he waits and waits, until he finally buys flowers.

He picks up the girl and they go to the dance. There is a long line into the dance, so they wait and wait.

Finally, they get into the dance, and the guy offers to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch, so he goes to the drink table, and there is no punch line.
 

·
Outstanding Contributor , Bob's Your Uncle!
-----'83 280 SL----- 5 speed....The PIG
Joined
·
29,507 Posts
Discussion Starter #507
The poor man asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?"

The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes."

The poor man asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?"

The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."

The poor man nods.

Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?"

The poor man thinks about it for a second and replies, "A pair of slippers and a dildo."

The rich man asks, "Why those two things?"

The poor man astutely reponds, "This way, if she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself."
 

·
Outstanding Contributor , Bob's Your Uncle!
-----'83 280 SL----- 5 speed....The PIG
Joined
·
29,507 Posts
Discussion Starter #508
What do you call an alligator in a vest?





An investigator.
 
501 - 508 of 508 Posts
Top