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After an examination, the doctor said to his elderly patient: “You appear to be in good health. Do you have any medical concerns you would like to ask me about?'

'In fact, I do.' said the old man. "After my wife and I have sex, I'm usually cold and chilly; and then, after I have sex with her the second time, I'm usually hot and sweaty.”

When the doctor examined his elderly wife a short time later he said, 'Everything appears to be fine. Are there any medical concerns that you would like to discuss with me?’

The lady replied that she had no questions or concerns

The doctor then said to her: 'Your husband mentioned an unusual problem. He claimed that he was usually cold and chilly after having sex with you the first time; and then hot and sweaty after the second time. Do you have any idea about why?’

"Oh, that crazy old bastard'' she replied. 'That's because the first time is usually in January and the second time is in August.

 

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Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was mad. She told him, “Tomorrow I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes 0 to 200 in under 6 seconds, and IT BETTER BE THERE!” The next morning when his wife woke up, she looked out the window and saw a box, gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a new bathroom scale. Bob hasn’t been seen since.

 

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1st Roman Soldier: What time do you have?

2nd Roman Soldier: XX past VII.

 

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A friend of mine has two tickets for the final round of the 2021 Masters. He paid $7,500 each but he didn’t realize when he bought them, it was going to be on the same day as his wedding.

If you are interested, he is looking for someone to take his place…It’s at Holy Cross Church, on Lake Ave at 3pm. The bride’s name is Nicole, she’s 5’4″, about 115 lbs., good cook too…..

She’ll be the one in the white dress.

 

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Me: Last night I was driving home and almost hit a henway.
Girlfriend: What’s a henway?
Me: About 5 or 6 pounds.
Girlfriend: 😒
Me: 😂
Me: Right after that, a mattadeer ran out in front of me.
Girlfriend: What’s a mattadeer?
Me: Nothing, honey, what’s the matter with you?
Girlfriend: 😡
Me:🤐

 

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The past, present and future walk into a bar. It was tense.

 

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^^
I’ll be honest…. I had to Google that one.

 

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Happy Halloween!

 

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