Oil Change by gender... - Mercedes-Benz Forum
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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-24-2012, 09:02 PM Thread Starter
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Oil Change by gender...

sharing this from Cars & Coffee facebook page. If you haven't seen this already, enjoy!

OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

MONEY SPENT

Oil Change $30.00 Coffee $3.00

TOTAL $33.00

OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50 00

2) Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.

18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to be recycle!

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.

27) Drink beer.

28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

30) Drink beer.

31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

33) Begin cussing fit.

34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes.

36) Beer.

37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

38) Beer.

39) Beer.

40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

41) Beer.

42) Lower car from jack stands.

43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.

45) Beer.

46) Test drive car.

47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

48) Car gets impounded.

49) Call loving wife, make bail.

50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

MONEY SPENT

Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00

TOTAL -- $4165.00

BUT YOU KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE RIGHT


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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-24-2012, 11:47 PM
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The reason there have been no responses is that we all feel violated ! How could you have possibly seen our last oil change ? My god woman, let us have the last vestiges of our pride and dignity
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-25-2012, 02:05 AM
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Bloody hell, sprung again. I liked it when they were barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.
That way they were afraid to venture into the garage. Oh dear, I think I may be a little past my use-by date.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-25-2012, 04:52 AM
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Just like a woman. Pays $3 for complimentary coffee!

Alan
If it doesn't fit, force it.
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyhow.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-25-2012, 05:11 AM
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At least the $4,165.00 kept me in a place I'd rather be, besides, it's only a drop in the bucket to what you've cost me so far.
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-25-2012, 12:13 PM
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I need to remember step 15. Great tip.

Also, the description is incomplete. Forgot about rounding the drain plug with the crescent and moving on to vice grips.

Mechanic for my wife's (
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-25-2012, 05:13 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bettybenz View Post
sharing this from Cars & Coffee facebook page. If you haven't seen this already, enjoy!

OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR WOMEN

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.

2) Drink a cup of coffee.

3) 15 minutes later write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

MONEY SPENT

Oil Change $30.00 Coffee $3.00

TOTAL $33.00

OIL CHANGE INSTRUCTIONS FOR MEN

1) Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a check for $50 00

2) Stop by 7-11 and buy a case of beer, write a check for $20.00, drive home.

3) Open a beer and drink it.

4) Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5) Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6) In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7) Place drain pan under engine.

8) Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9) Give up and use crescent wrench.

10) Unscrew drain plug.

11) Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Cuss.

12) Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off of face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.

13) Have another beer while watching oil drain.

14) Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.

15) Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.

16) Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes. Cleverly hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties. Drink a beer.

17) Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Decide to finish oil change tomorrow so you can go see his new garage door opener.

18) Sunday: Skip church because "I gotta finish the oil change." Drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. Cleverly dump oil in hole in back yard instead of taking it to be recycle!

19) Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20) Beer? No, drank it all yesterday.

21) Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22) Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.

23) Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24) Remember drain plug from step 11.

25) Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26) Remember that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.

27) Drink beer.

28) Shovel out hole and sift oily mud for drain plug. Re-shovel oily dirt into hole. Steal sand from kids sandbox to cleverly cover oily patch of ground and avoid environmental penalties. Wash drain plug in lawnmower gas.

29) Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.

30) Drink beer.

31) Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.

32) Bang head on floorboards in reaction to step 31.

33) Begin cussing fit.

34) Throw stupid crescent wrench.

35) Cuss for additional 10 minutes.

36) Beer.

37) Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.

38) Beer.

39) Beer.

40) Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.

41) Beer.

42) Lower car from jack stands.

43) Accidentally crush remaining case of new motor oil.

44) Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during steps 23 - 43.

45) Beer.

46) Test drive car.

47) Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.

48) Car gets impounded.

49) Call loving wife, make bail.

50) 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

MONEY SPENT

Parts $50.00 DUI $2500.00 Impound fee $75.00 Bail $1500.00 Beer $40.00

TOTAL -- $4165.00

BUT YOU KNOW THE JOB WAS DONE RIGHT
That guy got away cheep. I did all that one day then bought a lift for $4000.00 and tool box for $3000 to help me out. Total cost of that oil change was $11,165.00.

But coffee at Duncan Donuts is only $2.00 here so I saved.
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-25-2012, 07:39 PM Thread Starter
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Y'all made my day. Such a fine group of smart asses as I've ever had the pleasure of mostly not having met.

Sent from my SCH-I800 using AutoGuide.Com Free App


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North Texas ~ 1978 450SL
compromise & a multi-car garage makes a marriage work
I've met men on the internet & lived to tell about it ~ GTG @ Rowdies
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-25-2012, 08:39 PM
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I go to my local European mechanic for service instead of Jiffy Lube, but...
I drink decaf coffee.
I prefer a very dry martini to beer.
I hate getting my hands dirty.
Someone please reassure me that these choices don't make me a...a...a...Holy Crap!
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 10-25-2012, 09:10 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NYYYCEandEEEEZY View Post
I go to my local European mechanic for service instead of Jiffy Lube, but...
I drink decaf coffee.
I prefer a very dry martini to beer.
I hate getting my hands dirty.
Someone please reassure me that these choices don't make me a...a...a...Holy Crap!
Nope.... You are!

Alan
If it doesn't fit, force it.
If it breaks, it needed replacing anyhow.
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