New MB Technology! (contains a bit of naughty language)

[190Evoluzione]

hot off the press from SniffPetrol.com comes the news that S-Class owners expect and E-Class owners can only whine about...

MERCEDES ANNOUNCES P*SS ASSIST

The new Mercedes S-class has already drawn attention for its unprecedented level of high technology driver aids. Now MB is poised to add to that already impressive list of gizmos with a forthcoming option aimed at reducing the risk of driving along when you really need a wee.

Dubbed P*ss Assist, the new system works using a system of tubes, bottles and a funnel and will be offered on the S-class from this summer. "Our research shows that road safety can be severely compromised by driving along desperately needing a slash," said one Stuttgart Insider.
"As well as impaired concentration caused by focusing attention on not wetting yourself, there is also the risk of not operating the controls correctly thanks to heightened levels of leg jiggling".
Benz insiders say P*ss Assist will not only dramatically reduce the number of times when the motorist has to drive like a nutter to reach a petrol station before they get any seepage on the front of their keks - the system will also prove a bonus for long distance drivers who can't be bothered to stop for a pee.
However, before P*ss Assist has even gone on sale Mercedes spies say that the company is already working on a second generation system which will make use of the urine stored in the on-board bottle, rather than simply dumping it on the road once a pre-set speed threshold has been passed.
Instead, the driver will have the option of firing jets of hot p*ss from a special washer jet carefully designed to repel those ***ts who try to wash your windscreen at the traffic lights.
The more advanced P*ss Assist is likely to be phased in with the introduction of another forthcoming S-class option called Hobo Fighter Plus which is designed to keep the poor away from your car.

Not to be outdone, BMW is said to be working on a system to rival P*ss Assist, believed to be labelled Sh*tronic.

[MB190E2.6]

Lets hope the P*SS ASSIST is not controled by a computer, telling you when its safe to p*ss and when not [:D]

[edfreeman]

I'd like an option to discharge the bottle out the drivers side . . . towards those drivers who won't get outta the passing lane for love nor money . . . P*ss on 'em . . .