So I'm sitting at the pub, having a bar and have got tremendous gas. I figure the music is pretty good and very loud so maybe if I time it right, I can fart with the heavy guitar or drum (band is doing 80's tunes). It took a while but I felt better and then realized everyone in the place was looking at me. I didn't think I was raunchy smelling but then I realized I had been listening to my iPod the entire time.
2 drunks are working their ways up the railroad tracks. One says: “This is the longest staircase I’ve ever been on.” The other drunk says: “Oh yea, and the handrails are really low.”
Having a quick coffee the other day and a rather fit looking older guy came up to the counter and asked for some extra sugar packets. - I smiled and cheekily said, "you know that stuff's not good for you dont you?"
If you get home and your wife is standing at the door with a Cosmopolitan magazine in one hand and a pen in the other....she's been taking some sort of quiz and you are an asshole.
A guy has been stranded on a desert island for years. He sees an object floating towards the island. The object turns out to be a lovely woman hanging onto a barrel. He helps them onto the beach. She says: “I bet I have something you have been wanting for a long time.” He says: “Don’t tell me you’ve got beer in that barrel!”
Short story: Underneath the Bleachers by: C. Moore Butts
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