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one liners funny friday-ish

59K views 311 replies 53 participants last post by  DecoThom 
#1 ·
Short jokes lets have a few, no long ass crud, just one liners, shorter the better.


Is it fair to say that there'd be less litter in the world if blind people were given pointed sticks?
 
#27 ·
Government officials were looking for a nickname for Washington DC, with all the statues, they decided on “Friend To Pigeons.”
 
#28 ·
What did one sophisticated Washington statue say to the other? “Do you have any gray poop on you?”
 
#29 ·
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs water skiing? Skip.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pile of leaves? Russell.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs holding up your car? Jack.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a hole? Phil.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on the side of a mountain? Cliff.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs at your front door? Matt.
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs on your wall? Art.

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick.
 
#37 ·
Chuck Norris destroyed the Periodic table of elements because the only element he will recognize is the element of surprise.
 
#38 ·
God made me an athiest, who are you to judge his wisdom?
 
#42 ·
Why did the shark leave the race when the dolphin entered?

Because to continue would just be defeating the porpoise.
 
#45 ·
One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class.

He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"

After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.

"Well, hello there sir. So you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked.

The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
 
#50 ·
Why don’t they take dogs on the space shuttle? Dogs can’t hang their heads out the window.
 
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