Suspicious minds, Co-dependence and Catching a Cheat. - Mercedes-Benz Forum

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 30 (permalink) Old 04-15-2009, 02:53 AM Thread Starter
BenzWorld Elite
iNeon's Avatar
Date registered: Jan 2005
Vehicle: 2008 PT, 1998 neon--1965 VW 1200
Location: Birmingham, Alabama
Posts: 2,533
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Send a message via AIM to iNeon Send a message via MSN to iNeon Send a message via Yahoo to iNeon
(Thread Starter)
Suspicious minds, Co-dependence and Catching a Cheat.

There were a couple of guys-- handsome fellas with endearing personalities and senses of humor. These two guys decided to make a go of it and to try it together.

Two weeks in, one of the two, A, realizes B has a problem with alcohol dependence. He finds out a month later that B has been in and out of treatment for said problem. At this point, A decides to leave because two men in his life have lost their lives to alcohol dependence. B promises to stop drinking so heavily. A stays and falls deeper.

B urges A to allow him access to A's banking, and A reluctantly refuses-- "he will stop loving me if I don't trust him." but B finally wins out and A allows him access to his bank account. A month of happiness follows-- A and B are saving at a good pace-- They've almost got enough to buy a new car! B's past banking then creeps up, draining the account to nothing-- $300 below that, even.

A feels betrayed and lied to-- B assured him he would be responsible!! Problems ensue, and A feels he can no longer trust B as he once did, but is willing to go ahead. Things can't stay bad long, he thinks.

B then works A up into a mad frenzy in bed, only to expect intercourse without protection-- A refuses. B rolls over and ignores A. Repeat the next day. On the third day, A does for himself using a computer IM as 'material.' B walks in and catches A-- A hastily closes windows and is obviously guilty.

B then proceeds to hammer A with accusations of cheating, chronic cheating, even. B does this for a week, until A breaks and has a meltdown. A really does think it was innocent fantasy fulfillment without risking he or B's health, but also accepts B's feelings and concern. A suggests counseling to help remedy the issue. B refuses.

A week has passed, and B is still throwing guilt, is still shaming A and has begun the detachment process by placing a lock on his phone, by receiving phone calls in the night, by demonizing A's infidelity to all acquaintances. A breaks again, telling B to leave his home.

Some concessions are made on A's behalf-- the computer is waiting for a new buyer(heh heh lysol, huh?) and has since removed all profiles from online services that may be deemed a threat to his fidelity to B.

B begins being unreliable, he begins taking phone calls in private, begins not answering A's calls, screening calls in A's presence-- he tells people he is not with A within earshot of said person. He lies and tells one caller that he had to scrape change to buy his lunch when A has provided that lunch, has provided his ride to that lunch and his cigarettes for after that lunch.

A is suspicious at this point and makes a fake profile to see what A is really doing. He asks a friend B does not know to initiate contact with B and to gauge B's intentions. B hits on both people, giving them phone numbers, asking vital statistics and for images of said vital bits. B suggests they may have to use an automobile, as his place is not available.

When B is confronted with transcripts of aforementioned conversations, B becomes irate and accuses A of mental instability, insanity and basic scallawagidity. B lies about what was said when A has a full transcript. A accepts that B can not and will not internalize guilt for his actions and lets the relationship go.

There is no reason for this post beyond just typing. Pretend it's a journal and you've just cracked it open with a butterknife. If moderators wish to remove it-- they have my blessing. I have made an appointment with a counselor. It never occurred to me that masturbation was cheating, and that giving phone numbers to people you've made plans for intimacy with wasn't.

Throw out whatever you're thinking after reading this. The opinions of strangers are more important than my own-- as my views are obviously skewed and maybe even a bit twisted.

Have a blessed day.

This signature removed to protect the innocent.
iNeon is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 30 (permalink) Old 04-15-2009, 03:05 AM
slightly creased
420 SE's Avatar
Date registered: Sep 2005
Vehicle: 1988 420 SE; 2008 ML 500
Location: Gold Coast, QLD, AUS & Doha, Qatar
Posts: 16,141
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Quoted: 124 Post(s)
Lifetime Premium Member
long time no post...

things pretty much 'situation normal' hey?



beware of fundamentalists

420 SE is offline  
post #3 of 30 (permalink) Old 04-15-2009, 03:18 AM
Surely A Large Human
Qubes's Avatar
Date registered: Jun 2006
Vehicle: '08 C219
Location: Between Earth and Mars
Posts: 34,234
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Quoted: 482 Post(s)
Lifetime Premium Member
Wow, Shane must be a real pain in the ass to live with.
Qubes is offline  
post #4 of 30 (permalink) Old 04-15-2009, 03:19 AM
Outstanding Contributor
eric242340's Avatar
Date registered: May 2007
Vehicle: Zotye Auto 1.5T T600 2016
Location: The wild west of the Far East
Posts: 52,065
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Quoted: 283 Post(s)
Looks like someone had a really bad day.


"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
eric242340 is offline  
post #5 of 30 (permalink) Old 04-15-2009, 08:49 AM
Forum Administrator RC Colas® & Moon Pies®
Digmenow's Avatar
Date registered: Oct 2006
Vehicle: 1981 380SL 151K: 2001 E320 4Matic Estate 147K: 2008 E350 Sport 4Matic 120K: 2005 S500 116K
Location: The Land of Pleasant Living
Posts: 36,132
Mentioned: 13 Post(s)
Quoted: 1126 Post(s)
Lifetime Premium Member
Originally Posted by iNeon View Post
Throw out whatever you're thinking after reading this. The opinions of strangers are more important than my own-- as my views are obviously skewed and maybe even a bit twisted.

Have a blessed day.
If you look at it from B's viewpoint, B will not accept the advice of anyone and will continue to act the same.

If you look at it from A's viewpoint, B needs to be avoided at all costs. Most likely, though, A will also ignore the advice of anyone.

I have seen such an alcohol soaked relationship drag two good men down and splash onto concerned co-workers as well.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Digmenow is offline  
post #6 of 30 (permalink) Old 04-15-2009, 08:55 AM
DP's Avatar
Date registered: Aug 2002
Vehicle: 190E, 400E, SLK350
Location: Chesapeak Bay
Posts: 64,110
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Quoted: 982 Post(s)
Lifetime Premium Member
A is weak
DP is online now  
post #7 of 30 (permalink) Old 04-15-2009, 09:00 AM
BenzWorld Elite
DEVOURS's Avatar
Date registered: Dec 2006
Vehicle: 2006 B 200 & Audi A6..
Location: Lake in the woods... Canada
Posts: 5,774
Mentioned: 3 Post(s)
Quoted: 78 Post(s)
Originally Posted by drewprof View Post
A is weak
....and B needs a drink..
DEVOURS is offline  
post #8 of 30 (permalink) Old 04-15-2009, 03:16 PM
Moderately subtle
edfreeman's Avatar
Date registered: Dec 2003
Vehicle: 94 E500, 97 500SL
Location: Soddy Daisy, TN
Posts: 8,306
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Quoted: 69 Post(s)
Lifetime Premium Member
Send a message via AIM to edfreeman
I'm still waiting for JimSmith to weigh in on this thread.

edfreeman is offline  
post #9 of 30 (permalink) Old 04-15-2009, 03:39 PM
BenzWorld Elite
Check Codes's Avatar
Date registered: Mar 2005
Vehicle: '01-E320 & 02-ST2
Location: John 15:18-19
Posts: 31,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)
iNeon, I was keen on seeing you posting again, wondering where you been.

Now I'm almost sorry I wondered.

Seriously, supporting codependency is never a good basis for a relationship, for either party. And questions about what is and what is not cheating/disloyalty are things that should be explored before the parties get too far down the line.

IMHO I don't think either party is necessarily out of line with what they are thinking and feeling, I can see both sides of it. However, the bottom line is not really what strangers think, because they're not involved. If the parties disagree on those concepts and ideals, then regardless what anyone else thinks, the parties are going to have to reach a compromise that makes sense to them and that they can absolutely embrace; otherwise the disharmony will continue to simmer until it again boils over. If they cannot do that then it's time to start looking at continuing down the disparate paths they have already begun to explore, at least to one degree or another.

Just my .02.

Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy; its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery. (Winston Churchill)
Check Codes is offline  
post #10 of 30 (permalink) Old 04-15-2009, 09:14 PM
BenzWorld Elite
mcbear's Avatar
Date registered: Apr 2004
Vehicle: E500Es
Location: The BlueGrass State
Posts: 29,579
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Does anyone have a flowchart of this? I don't have the software loaded up.


Being smart is knowing the difference, in a sticky situation between a well delivered anecdote and a well delivered antidote - bear.
mcbear is offline  
Sponsored Links

  Mercedes-Benz Forum > General Mercedes-Benz Forums > Off-Topic

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mercedes-Benz Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


  • Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
    Thread Tools
    Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
    Email this Page Email this Page
    Display Modes
    Linear Mode Linear Mode

    Similar Threads
    Topic Author Forum Replies Last Post
    Turkey holds suspicious Iran-Venezuela shipment Jakarta Expat Off-Topic 6 01-06-2009 08:05 PM
    So you both decided to cheat on each other? That's so romantic. Digmenow Off-Topic 9 02-03-2008 05:27 PM
    The Hidden Cost of Our Oil Dependence firstmb Off-Topic 0 04-25-2006 05:53 PM
    Could this Invention Save us from our Dependence on Oil? firstmb Off-Topic 13 04-20-2006 07:05 AM
    Buying an ML - is this suspicious My Self W163 M-Class 9 12-16-2005 04:33 AM

    Posting Rules  
    You may post new threads
    You may post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is On
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are On
    Pingbacks are On
    Refbacks are On


    Title goes here

    video goes here
    description goes here. Read Full Story
    For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome