VaJayJay Hero - Mercedes-Benz Forum

LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 11-28-2008, 12:36 PM Thread Starter
It Is What It Is, Dude
isthisdave's Avatar
Date registered: Mar 2006
Vehicle: 1978 107.024 RIP
Location: InTransition
Posts: 21,584
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Quoted: 83 Post(s)
Lifetime Premium Member
(Thread Starter)
VaJayJay Hero

Vagina Hero: Exclusive First Look

Not content with the current level of Guitar Hero milking, Arctivision decided to take it to the next level with yet another game. — Vagina Hero!

We all know what the girls are thinking anyways when they get all googily-faced over guitarists, even fake guitarists. Might as well stop faking the funk and try to teach them boys something useful. So sit back and indulge, as Arctivision gives birth to “Vagina Hero”.

At first glance, Vagina Hero may seem overly complicated. Welcome to real life. The in-game screen above actually shows finger cues for the easy difficulty setting. Arctivision reps claim that expert difficulty is pretty much impossible unless you invest in the Pro Bundle, which they explain as so:

“The Pro Bundle is essentially no different than the normal bundle, it just costs about $600 extra. We wanted to prepare our players for the inevitable truth that dudes with money are more successful with women, even if they aren’t any more skilled. We also offer a Girl Power Pack, but we aren’t ready to discuss the details of that quite yet.”

Isn’t this offensive? Doesn’t Arctivision worry that female gamers will be outraged by Vagina Hero?

“Absolutely not. If anything, we are doing women a great service. We are making foreplay interesting and exciting for guys while simultaneously giving them the practice they need so they know what they’re doing when they get there. I think women should be excited by the idea of no longer walking away from a sexual encounter with blue balls, or whatever the equivalent of that would be for women.”

Sounds like he hasn’t played enough of his own game. Speaking of which, we had a few hours to spend with a preview build of the game last night. So how does it play?

Okay, the best way I can explain it is that Vagina Hero is equal parts music-rhythm game, simulation, and real-time strategy. Basically what I’m saying is that it’s complicated.

The stages in Vagina Hero are women, much like the individual songs in previous Hero games released by a completely different publisher that is in no way related to Arctivision. There is no background or story explaining how you suddenly find yourself with a naked vagina in your face — the stage loads up and it’s just there.

Classy 70’s-style bow-chika-wow-wow starts playing, and you find your screen assaulted with colored button-press indicators called “E-Zones”. The E-Zones (or “EZ’s”) correspond to the same colored buttons on your Vagina Hero controller, dubbed “HodgePodge”. Why HodgePodge?

“Just look at it. What the fuck is that? We designed it and we don’t even really know. We tried to stay true to real thing, but that’s the best we could do.”

As the EZ’s approach the middle of the screen, you need to tap the corresponding EZ button on your controller. Sounds easy enough, but this bitch has 6 buttons! Apparently, if you want to be a serious player, you need to get creative.

“Most people just use their thumb and pointer finger on their off-hand, but we’ve had a few people use other body parts. Personally, if you want to really see what you’re doing, the two hand approach is best. You could also just mash all the buttons at the same time with your fist and hope to get lucky.”

The goal, ultimately, is to fill the climax meter. Successful combos and streaks fill it up faster, and unlike previous Hero games by that other totally unrelated publisher, there is no time frame. The sooner you’re done, the sooner you can move on to the next girl. You can also speed things up by initiating Vagina Hero’s version of Star Power, “The Shocker”, by jamming the yellow, orange, and blue buttons simultaneously.

Overall, the game looks very promising. Arctivision confirmed that there would be a multiplayer mode, but they weren’t ready to discuss that quite yet. The only info we could pry out of them was that “multiplayer will quite literally blow your pants off.” Cryptic…

Arctivision left us with these final words as they ushered us out the door:

“Harmondix may have a leg up on us, but we’re not jerking around any more. We’re serious. We’re in this for the long haul, and we won’t stop until our fans are satisfied, and they’re never satisfied… which means we won’t stop.”


Vagina Hero is tentatively scheduled for release this holiday on the Xbox 360, PS3, and Wii.

isthisdave is offline  
Sponsored Links
post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 11-28-2008, 02:37 PM
BenzWorld Elite
jlomon's Avatar
Date registered: Dec 2006
Vehicle: 2013 VW Golf Sportwagen TDI, 2011 Mazda 2, 2000 E320 4Matic Wagon (retired),1994 C280 (retired)
Location: Toronto, Canada
Posts: 3,488
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That was fucking hysterical. There is a story circulating on some websites that Arctivision was going to include a clit button, but those stories are just a myth. The engineers designing the controller couldn't figure out where it went.
jlomon is offline  
post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 11-28-2008, 04:14 PM
DP's Avatar
Date registered: Aug 2002
Vehicle: 190E, 400E, SLK350
Location: Chesapeak Bay
Posts: 64,111
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Quoted: 983 Post(s)
Lifetime Premium Member
Dont let Zeitgeist touch the blue button
DP is offline  
Sponsored Links

  Mercedes-Benz Forum > General Mercedes-Benz Forums > Off-Topic

Quick Reply

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mercedes-Benz Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:


  • Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
    Thread Tools
    Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
    Email this Page Email this Page
    Display Modes
    Linear Mode Linear Mode

    Similar Threads
    Topic Author Forum Replies Last Post
    My new hero. A264172 Off-Topic 7 02-16-2008 01:42 PM
    UNLIKELY HERO.... c32used W203 C32 AMG, C55 AMG 12 11-29-2007 08:31 AM
    My Hero MostHated Off-Topic 0 06-24-2007 08:04 PM
    Hero 2.......who is he? Punjabi Off-Topic 15 06-20-2007 09:43 AM
    My Hero Nutz 4 Benz Off-Topic 3 02-26-2007 04:53 AM

    Posting Rules  
    You may post new threads
    You may post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is On
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are On
    Pingbacks are On
    Refbacks are On


    Title goes here

    video goes here
    description goes here. Read Full Story
    For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome