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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-13-2008, 08:48 AM Thread Starter
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Jokes

Come on guy's the election is over and where is your sense of humour, jokes please. Lighten up Who will start?

ERIC.

___________________________________________
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-13-2008, 08:55 AM
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An Israeli soldier got three weeks in the slammer for yawning during a ceremony this week to mark the assassination of prime minister Yitzhak Rabin, his mother said.

The concerned woman said her son yawned "without covering his mouth" while the commander of his air force base in the north of the country was speaking during the memorial event Israel held on Monday.

When the commander spotted him, he stopped his speech and later ordered the soldier to spend 21 days in jail for what the commander called his "disrespectful act," the mother told public radio.

Rabin was assassinated in 1995 by a Jewish extremist who opposed the peace process with the Palestinians.

Rabin is revered as a national hero, both for his legendary career as army chief and for peace efforts in the 1990s that earned him a Nobel peace prize shared with now President Shimon Peres and the late Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat.
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-13-2008, 08:58 AM
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There is an old tale in the Marine Corps about a Lieutenant who inspected his men and told the 'gunny' that they smelled bad. The Lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear.
The Gunny responded, "Aye, aye, sir, I'll see to it immediately!"
He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones. McCarthy, you change with Dzwill. Brown, you change with 'TNT'. Get to it."

"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful" - Seneca
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-13-2008, 09:04 AM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by dope View Post
There is an old tale in the Marine Corps about a Lieutenant who inspected his men and told the 'gunny' that they smelled bad. The Lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear.
The Gunny responded, "Aye, aye, sir, I'll see to it immediately!"
He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones. McCarthy, you change with Dzwill. Brown, you change with 'TNT'. Get to it."
Was this the joke?


"You really are a paranoid little fuck, aren't you?"

ERIC.

___________________________________________
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-13-2008, 09:04 AM
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How many beers does the clk man have to drink before he turns into mr. Hyde after 9:30?

Last edited by the clk man; 11-13-2008 at 09:36 AM.
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-13-2008, 09:06 AM Thread Starter
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How man beers does the clk man have to drink before he turns into mr. Hyde after 9:30?
Did you mean how MANY beers or how MAN beers?

ERIC.

___________________________________________
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-13-2008, 09:07 AM
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Four nuns die in a tragic car crash and arrive at the same time to stand in line to meet St. Peter at the holy gate.

As the first nun approaches St. Peter, he says "Welcome child. Do you have any final sins you'd care to confess?"

"I do St. Peter. It is with great shame that I confess to having once cast my eyes upon a penis."

"There, there child -- it's fine -- just wash your eyes out in the holy water and proceed through the gate."

The second nun approaches St. Peter, and he again says "Welcome child. Do you have any final sins you'd care to confess?".

"I do St. Peter. It is with great shame that I confess to having once touched a penis."

"There, there child -- that's fine -- just wash your hands out in the holy water and proceed through the gate."

At this point, one remaining nun taps the other on the back. "Would you mind if I cut in front of you, so I can rinse out my mouth before you wash your asshole?"

"If spending money you don't have is the height of stupidity, borrowing money to give it away is the height of insanity." -- anon
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-13-2008, 09:08 AM
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Originally Posted by eric242340 View Post
Was this the joke?


"You really are a paranoid little fuck, aren't you?"
Well it gave me a good laugh.

"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful" - Seneca
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-13-2008, 09:12 AM Thread Starter
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Well it gave me a good laugh.
Then it is true paranoia. good luck

ERIC.

___________________________________________
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 11-13-2008, 09:21 AM
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Originally Posted by eric242340 View Post
Then it is true paranoia. good luck
Oh dear, you seem to have missed both jokes. Nevermind.

"Religion is regarded by the common people as true, by the wise as false, and by the rulers as useful" - Seneca
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