Date registered: Sep 2004
Vehicle: 83 Astral Silver 280 SL
Location: Planet Houston
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 8 Post(s)
I've come up with a new religion - The Church of the Recovered Alcoholic God. It is the only religion that makes sense of the contradictory gods of the New and Old Testament. In our religion, God is drinking heavy for centuries, going around wasting people left and right - raining frogs on them, sending pillars of fire for laughs, empowering his guys to slay thousands with ass-jawbones and trumpets, death and destruction everywhere, a typical asshole drunk. Later, he miraculously sobers up, and starts doing his "Twelve Steps of Recovery", going around forgiving people and raising the dead and such, I mean, he's now a totally different guy, who wants everyone to like him, and the only close call is the water-into-wine trip, where he almost fell off the wagon. His sobriety is so strong, he's still laying on the Love stuff, even with his hands nailed to a tree limb. But like all religions, the news isn't all good, in the Book of Revelation, he threatens to start drinking again. Our only hope is to pray he stays sober.
Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.
-President Barack Obama, 1st Inaugural address