Emails from my crazy aunt Helen - Mercedes-Benz Forum

 
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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-15-2008, 11:57 PM Thread Starter
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Emails from my crazy aunt Helen

Siamese twins walk into a pub in Ontario and park themselves on a bar stool. One of them says to the barkeeper, 'Don't mind us, we're joined at the hip. I'm John, he's Jim. Two Molson Canadian beers, draft please'.

The barkeeper, feeling slightly awkward, tries to make polite conversation while pouring the beers. 'Been on holiday yet, lads?'
'Off to England next month,' says John. 'We go to England every year and hire a car and drive for miles, don't we, Jim?' Jim agrees.

'Ah, England!' says the barkeeper. 'Wonderful country... the history, the beer, the culture...'

'Nah, we don't like that British crap,' says John. ' Hamburgers & Molsons beer, that's us, eh Jim? And we can't stand the English - they're so arrogant and rude.'

'So why keep going to England ?' asks the barkeeper.

'It's the only chance Jim gets to drive.'

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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-16-2008, 12:58 AM
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You lost me after the arrogant English and crap...
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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-16-2008, 07:54 AM
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^ And the absence of gin & tonic in the story...
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-16-2008, 08:35 AM
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no gin and tonic?

ERIC.

___________________________________________
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-16-2008, 11:27 AM
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Is that a true story?


and wheres the gin?
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 08-16-2008, 12:40 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by yoseyman View Post
Is that a true story?
Naw, but Aunt Mabel says this is:

A crowded Virgin flight was cancelled after one of their planes had been withdrawn from service. A single attendant was re-booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers.

Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, I HAVE to be on this flight and it HAS to be NOW".

The attendant replied, "I'm sorry sir. I'll be happy to try to help you, but I've got to help these people first, and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out."

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHO I AM?"

Without hesitating, the attendant smiled and grabbed her public address microphone: "May I have your attention please, may I have your attention please," her voice heard clearly throughout the terminal.

"We have a passenger here at Gate14 WHO DOES NOT KNOW WHO HE IS. If anyone can help him find his identity, please come to Gate 14."

With the folks behind him in line laughing hysterically, the man glared at the Virgin attendant, gritted his teeth and said, "Fuck You!"

Without flinching she smiled and said, "I'm sorry, sir, but you'll have to get in line for that too."

2005 S430 4Matic 'Morton' W220.183 • 722.671 Rest in Peace

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