Gerbils reach for the stars - Mercedes-Benz Forum

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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-03-2008, 01:11 PM Thread Starter
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Gerbils reach for the stars


Brain food: If it helps gerbils, it could help you
A wide range of nutrients improve cognitive abilities, researchers find

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Scientists have figured out how to make gerbils smarter and hope the findings can be applied to you.

Dietary nutrients found in a wide range of foods ranging from infant formula to eggs increase brain synapses and improve cognitive abilities in gerbils, the researchers say.

Gerbils were given various combinations of three compounds needed for healthy brain membranes: choline, found in eggs; uridine monophosphate (UMP) found in beets; and docosahexaenoic acid (DHA), found in fish oils.

Other gerbils were given none of these, to serve as a baseline.

Then they were all checked four weeks later to see if they were any smarter, using gerbil-specific IQ tests such as navigating mazes.

The gerbils on the diet of brain food showed cognitive improvements in navigating mazes. Then the researchers dissected the rodents' brains and found biochemical evidence that there was more than the usual amount of brain synapse activity in the super-fed gerbils, consistent with behaviors indicating higher intelligence.

"I hope human brains will, like those of experimental animals, respond to this kind of treatment by making more brain synapses and thus restoring cognitive abilities," said researcher Dr. Richard Wurtman of MIT.

The results are detailed online in the Federation of American Societies for Experimental Biology Journal.

"Now that we know how to make gerbils smarter," said the journal's editor Dr. Gerald Weissmann, "it's not too far a stretch to hope that people's intelligence can also be improved. Quite frankly, this can't happen soon enough, as every environmentalist, advocate of evolution and war opponent will attest."

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

-President Barack Obama, 1st Inaugural address

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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-03-2008, 01:12 PM
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Those gerbils are really getting it in Gere.

The biggest problems we are facing right now have to do with George Bush trying to bring more and more power into the executive branch and not go through Congress at all and thatís what I intend to reverse.

~ Senator Barack H. Obama
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-03-2008, 01:15 PM
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Quite frankly, this can't happen soon enough, as every environmentalist, advocate of evolution and war opponent will attest."
That there is some funny shit.

GS stamp of approval!

"If spending money you don't have is the height of stupidity, borrowing money to give it away is the height of insanity." -- anon
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-03-2008, 01:25 PM Thread Starter
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Our dominance of the planet may be threatened.

But in the meantime, Feel The Love Enterprises is offering a new product for those of you enamored of this little cutey. As many of you know, we add the finest hops and barley to our Magic Member Cream products, in a process we call Kidney Osmosis. But what were we, environmentally sensitive as we are, to do with the refuse of our Kidney-based Processing? Introducing, using 100% recycled materials, our patented Gerbil Inserter. For only $10 you can own one of these fine devices. Gerbil not included.


Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

-President Barack Obama, 1st Inaugural address
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-03-2008, 01:28 PM
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ARMAGEDDON!!!

"If spending money you don't have is the height of stupidity, borrowing money to give it away is the height of insanity." -- anon
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-03-2008, 01:30 PM Thread Starter
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Also, in the process of testing this product, we discovered a picture of Jesus on my retriever's anus. He is now on sale at ebay for a starting bid three million dollars.


Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

-President Barack Obama, 1st Inaugural address
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-03-2008, 01:33 PM Thread Starter
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And for the children -


Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

-President Barack Obama, 1st Inaugural address
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-03-2008, 01:42 PM
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Our dominance of the planet may be threatened.

But in the meantime, Feel The Love Enterprises is offering a new product for those of you enamored of this little cutey. As many of you know, we add the finest hops and barley to our Magic Member Cream products, in a process we call Kidney Osmosis. But what were we, environmentally sensitive as we are, to do with the refuse of our Kidney-based Processing? Introducing, using 100% recycled materials, our patented Gerbil Inserter. For only $10 you can own one of these fine devices. Gerbil not included.

That's a hamster.

The biggest problems we are facing right now have to do with George Bush trying to bring more and more power into the executive branch and not go through Congress at all and thatís what I intend to reverse.

~ Senator Barack H. Obama
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-03-2008, 01:56 PM Thread Starter
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No wonder the dog wouldn't do it.

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

-President Barack Obama, 1st Inaugural address
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 07-03-2008, 01:59 PM
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That's a hamster.
Thanks for stepping into the breach, which no doubt avoided an international incident. The Syrians would never stand for that kind of slander
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