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post #1 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-25-2008, 06:49 PM Thread Starter
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joelschneider

Tell me a funny joke.
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post #2 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-25-2008, 07:39 PM
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Cheesehead School teacher

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Cheesehead.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they are
Cheeseheads too.

No one really knowing what a Cheesehead was, but wanting
to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy
fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen
who has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has
decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Cheesehead."

"Then", asks the teacher, "what are you?"

"Why, I'm a proud Vikings Fan," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks
Kristen why she is a rebel.

"Well, my mom and dad are Vikings Fans, so I'm a Vikings Fan too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if
your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be a Cheesehead"



in political asylum
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post #3 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-25-2008, 08:33 PM
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I was cruising down the road one day, doing about sixty or so, when a Schneider truck passed me. I was feeling mischievous that day, so I hailed the driver on my CB:

"Hey, Schneider? Got your ears on?"

"Yeah," he replied, "What you want?"

"Did you ever see a dumb-ass wrapped in plastic?" I asked him.

He thought that over. "No, don't reckon I ever did."

"Well, the next time you have your wallet out, take a look at the picture on your CDL."

He fumed a bit about smart-ass drivers, then I told him:

"Look, it's only a joke! Don't get mad, get even. Pull it on the next truck that passes you."

He grunted an agreement, then after a minute or two, a Fed-Ex truck passed both of us. I heard the Schneider driver key his mike:

"Hey, Fed-Ex? You got it on?"

"Yep! What you want?"

"Did you ever see a dumb-ass wrapped in plastic?"

"Nope, don't reckon I ever saw that."

"Well, " the Schneider driver said, "there's a truckstop two exits from here. Pull in there with me. I want to show you my CDL."

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post #4 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-25-2008, 08:59 PM
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Still on the job, just thought I would check in quick. I will think of one on my way home. It will be waiting for you in the am. It will be a late one tonight.

"Fat, Drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life."
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post #5 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-25-2008, 09:10 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ThrillKill View Post
I was cruising down the road one day, doing about sixty or so, when a Schneider truck passed me. I was feeling mischievous that day, so I hailed the driver on my CB:

"Hey, Schneider? Got your ears on?"

"Yeah," he replied, "What you want?"

"Did you ever see a dumb-ass wrapped in plastic?" I asked him.

He thought that over. "No, don't reckon I ever did."

"Well, the next time you have your wallet out, take a look at the picture on your CDL."

He fumed a bit about smart-ass drivers, then I told him:

"Look, it's only a joke! Don't get mad, get even. Pull it on the next truck that passes you."

He grunted an agreement, then after a minute or two, a Fed-Ex truck passed both of us. I heard the Schneider driver key his mike:

"Hey, Fed-Ex? You got it on?"

"Yep! What you want?"

"Did you ever see a dumb-ass wrapped in plastic?"

"Nope, don't reckon I ever saw that."

"Well, " the Schneider driver said, "there's a truckstop two exits from here. Pull in there with me. I want to show you my CDL."

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post #6 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-25-2008, 09:18 PM
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A tornado passed through Kentucky. It did $10 million worth of improvements.




in political asylum
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post #7 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-25-2008, 09:20 PM
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Q. Why isn't the show CSI in Kentucky?

A. Because Kentuckians have no teeth and all have the same DNA.



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post #8 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-25-2008, 09:34 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by mzsmbs View Post
A tornado passed through Kentucky. It did $10 million worth of improvements.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mzsmbs View Post
Q. Why isn't the show CSI in Kentucky?

A. Because Kentuckians have no teeth and all have the same DNA.
You're Jealous.
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post #9 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-25-2008, 11:16 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mzsmbs View Post

Cheesehead School teacher

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Cheesehead.

She asks her students to raise their hands if they are
Cheeseheads too.

No one really knowing what a Cheesehead was, but wanting
to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy
fireworks.

There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen
who has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has
decided to be different.

"Because I'm not a Cheesehead."

"Then", asks the teacher, "what are you?"

"Why, I'm a proud Vikings Fan," boasts the little girl.

The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks
Kristen why she is a rebel.

"Well, my mom and dad are Vikings Fans, so I'm a Vikings Fan too."

The teacher is now angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if
your mom was a moron, and your dad was a moron. What would you be then?"

A pause, and a smile. "Then," says Kristen, "I'd be a Cheesehead"
On a return flight from a hall of fame banquet a plane crashed carrying , Joe Montana, Dan Marino, and Brett Farve. Brett and Dan were killed instantly but Joe held on for a few days before finally passing. Up in Heaven he had a wonderful home with a 49er's shaped swimming pool and every luxury one could ever hope for. Flying high over the mansion was a giant 49er flag, his house was high on the hill with a beautiful view, 2 doors down he could see Dan Marinos house with the same amenities but only for the Dolphins. But way up at the top of the hill was the biggest mansion in heaven and flying high over the top was a Green bay Packers flag four times the size of Joe and Dan's, this some what troubled him as he had led a good Christian life and often wondered at what Brett had done to deserve these things. After a few days past the Lord came by to see him, as they were walking around the neighbor hood Joe got up the courage to ask the Lord. " I have been a good servant and have lived my life according to your rules, and I am thankful for all of the things that you have given to me. But I must ask what did Brett do to deserve the biggest mansion on top of the highest hill with the largest flag? The Lord replied, "Joe that is not Brett's house, it is mine."

"Fat, Drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life."
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post #10 of 37 (permalink) Old 06-25-2008, 11:25 PM
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Three blonde's were walking along a beach on an island when 1 kicked a lamp. They pulled it out and brushed it off and a genie came out. Since there are three of you I will grant you each one wish. The first blond said " I wish I was smarter so I could get off this Island". The genie nodded his head and she became a red head built a small raft and floated off the island. The 2nd said "Wow I want to be smarter then her so I can get off the Island faster then her". The genie nodded his head and she became a brunette and built a hang glider and flew off the Island. " The 3rd said "It might be hard to top but I want to be smarter then her so I can get off the Island the fastest." the genie nodded his head and she became a man, walked down to the bridge, and was off the island.

"Fat, Drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life."
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