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post #71 of 79 (permalink) Old 05-02-2008, 10:04 PM
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Why did this thread go all bitchy?
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post #72 of 79 (permalink) Old 05-02-2008, 10:12 PM Thread Starter
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i am not bitchy i am loaded on tequila and dont care at this point



living on the edge driving a fine line
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post #73 of 79 (permalink) Old 05-13-2008, 08:32 AM Thread Starter
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living on the edge driving a fine line
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post #74 of 79 (permalink) Old 05-13-2008, 08:55 AM
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FFS ! this thread needs more wheelies , fixed
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post #75 of 79 (permalink) Old 05-13-2008, 09:10 AM Thread Starter
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you say wheelies



living on the edge driving a fine line
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post #76 of 79 (permalink) Old 05-13-2008, 12:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MBLR View Post
I only come here for the shits and giggles however I do not take personal aims at anyone (have invoked a few at me) however just laugth off the ones that do come your way and move on to the next line and oh man develop a very thick skin............. I get called asshole here now and then but thanks! what the hell would you do without one?
That just reminded me of...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bear's Collection of Shit
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on someone you don't know.

I was sitting at my desk when I remembered a phone call I'd forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed it.

A man answered, saying "Hello."

I politely said, "This is DAVE. Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?"

Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear "Get the right fucking number!" and he phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. When I tracked down Robyn's correct number to call her, I found that I had accidentally transposed the last two digits.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled "You're an asshole!" and hung up.

I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it and put it in my desk drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!"

It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID was introduced, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, his is John Smith from the telephone company. I'm calling to see if you're familiar with our Caller ID program?"

He yelled "NO!" and slammed down the phone.

I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an Asshole!" and hung up.

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking Spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.

I noticed a "For Sale” sign in his back window, so I wrote down his number.

A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial,) I thought that I'd better call the BMW Asshole too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

He said, "Yes, it is."

I asked, "Can you tell me where I can see it?"

He said, "Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and the car's parked right out in front."

I asked, "What's your name?"

He said, "My name is Don Hansen,"

I asked, "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

He said, "I'm home every evening after five."

I said, "Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

He said, "Yes?"

I said, "Don, you're an asshole!"

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too.



Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

Then I came up with an idea.

I called asshole #1.

He said, "Hello."

I said, "You're an asshole!” (But I didn't hang up.)

He asked, "Are you still there?"

I said, "Yeah,"

He screamed, "Stop calling me,"

I said, "Make me,"

He asked, "Who are you?"

I said, "My name is Don Hansen."

He said, "Yeah? Where do you live?"

I said, "Asshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax. I have a Black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole," and hung up.

Then I called Asshole #2.

He said, "Hello?"

I said, "Hello, asshole,"

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are..."

I said, "You'll what?"

He exclaimed, "I'll kick your ass,"

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax, and that I was on my way home to kill my gay lover.

Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war going down on Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax .

I got there just in time to watch two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars, an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.

NOW I feel much better.

McBear,
Kentucky

Being smart is knowing the difference, in a sticky situation between a well delivered anecdote and a well delivered antidote - bear.
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post #77 of 79 (permalink) Old 05-13-2008, 09:49 PM
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Damn McB! I copied it down and my side a freaking hurting from reading it like 3 times now omg! that is really a good one
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post #78 of 79 (permalink) Old 05-13-2008, 10:28 PM
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I just loved the punch line

ERIC.

___________________________________________
"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one."
- George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill.

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second ... if there is one."
- Winston Churchill, in response.
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post #79 of 79 (permalink) Old 05-14-2008, 04:55 AM Thread Starter
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living on the edge driving a fine line
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