Date registered: Jan 2005
Vehicle: 2008 PT, 1998 neon--1965 VW 1200
Location: Birmingham, Alabama
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Nekkid Lizard Rastlin'
Today, whilst taking my tub, I saw something in my peripheral vision-- something bright green. It hurried to shelter itself from the gaze of the predator, but my lightning-fast rods an cones had taken notice and knew...
A ROGUE LIZARD HAD INVADED THE SANCTITY OF MY MORNING TOILETTE!
While chasing the demon-spawned Geico spokeslizard bare-ass naked down the hall, I had a thought. Me.. A thought! Imagine!
How many times in one's life does the average Human get to chase a lizard out of their home-- in the nude? Have you ever? It's a bit embarrassing; but I was struck by the sheer randomness of it and decided to see if it's a one-time show.
I chased the trespassing, scaly bastard down the hall, and into the living room-- where he adopted an attack posture! Just like that sum bitch on Jurassic Park that killed Neuman; he flailed his head up and down, showing off his blood-red dewlap. This was no ordinary lizard, I thought. He must be an assassin!
He cowardly ran under the china closet-- 'Damn!,' I thought. But then, Wasabi Tuliptoes-- the Siamese Ninja hunter-- had taken notice and was hot on his heels. Wasabi batted with both paws beneath the oaken titan, but was unsuccessful in driving the dastardly bad-doer out!
Not one to be made a fool of, I grabbed the nearest long-and-narrow object-- A fireplace poker-- and scared that no-good scalawag out! Wasabi then took over, and chased the perp out through the kitchen door, and onto the sitting porch.
I returned to the warm pool of tea tree scented water and puffed on a hogsleg-- content in the knowledge that I, and my faithful feline companion, had defended our homestead against a great evil.
This signature removed to protect the innocent.