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post #1 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-14-2008, 10:01 PM Thread Starter
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You know it hits you at the most unexpected...

moments. I am right now filling out a dental patient registration because I am switching dentists after 20+ years at the same on who is a friend of mine. I am switching because it is too difficult to keep the appointments in Dallas since I am in Santa Fe far more often.

Anyway, I always leave the spouse thingy blank and then of course get to "nearest relative other than spouse" and almost put in the usual. Then stopped. Started to cry. I always put my dad's name in as a matter of habit, but I had to stop. My dad cannot complete a sentence. He falls out of bed at night and cannot get back up. He is forgetting his best friend's names and faces. You can imagine what he is suffering from. Mom can barely manage to take care of him and she is heartbroken; cries every other time over the phone. They have been married 57 years.

This is not a pity session, my dad deserves more than that. He served in Korea, fought in the Golden Gloves, always wore a suit everyday, raised a wonderful and appreciative family, and was my mother's greatest love. A great, even tempered man who loved cars and passed that innocuous passion onto his youngest son.

All this from a stupid patient registration form....
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post #2 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-14-2008, 10:26 PM
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Hey man, I feel ya... My mom passed away 2 1/2 years ago when I was 18, she had ovarian cancer for 4 years, the clk I have now was hers, she worked at my high school, some of my friends had her as a teacher (im surrounded by her!!)... I know that your father is not gone, but be happy for the time you have with him, I lost all of my grandparents 2 suffered with alzheimers and dementia, I have seen it, hell, probably everyone on here has. I just want to let you know what a gift it is to care for him now, he took care of you when you were alittle bastard! Its now time to return the favor, you and your family are in my prayers, god bless

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post #3 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-15-2008, 06:08 AM
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Shane , sorry to hear about that , i know exactly what your going through .keep your chin up .

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post #4 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-15-2008, 06:25 AM
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I am sorry to hear this, but its life and very sad. My mum suffered with Parkinsons disease and father loyaly cared for her. He served in the second world war in Africa and Europe.

Together they brought up 8 of us brats and gave us a really good childhood and education. Father had a massive heart attack one morning and died instantly, he was lucky but mother was not. She died several months later, I would say she gave up the ghost and wanted to go.

My point is you should not feel sorry for your father or yourself but should give your mother as much support as you possibly can. She will not need your tears or sympathy but manly support to help her through this difficult time. Look after her man.


People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf - George Orwell
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post #5 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-15-2008, 06:45 AM
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There comes a certain point and or time in life, when we all have the loss
of a loved one.

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post #6 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-15-2008, 06:53 AM
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My grandfather is in the last stages of a long-running battle with Alzheimer's. It's deeply troubling to visit him these days, as I still remember the towering self-made man who put himself through OCS, rose through the ranks to become a Lt Colonel and then practically ran the City of Olympia as its Building Inspector. I am a direct recipient of his tinkerer's genes and am in the process of setting up a replica of his old basement workshop as a fitting tribute to his legacy. The cycle of life just keeps rollin'...
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post #7 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-15-2008, 07:16 AM
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Sorrry to hear that shane, I know where you are coming form. I lost my father, brother and my aunt who raised me in just a few years. Be strong and spend as much time as you can with your dad he wil appreciate it. I was Blessed enough to have spent several days with him before he died.
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post #8 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-15-2008, 07:32 AM
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That is sad indeed. Shane at least it's not a total loss and you have some good memories of your dad.
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post #9 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-15-2008, 07:32 AM
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Without more knowledge of your situation, I realize that I am presuming much but if your Mother is the primary caregiver, I would suggest finding an adult daycare center that is equipped to handle your Father in his current condition. Just a few hours a day can make a huge difference in the quality of life for both of your parents.

My older sister performs the primary care function for our Mother and after several declining years, we are researching ways to give her some much needed relief as it is a 24/7 kind of job.

Not inexpensive, however. Be prepared for upwards of 75 to 100 dollars a day.

This post does not even begin to address the issue that you are forced to list your parent as your next of kin.

That's a subject for another thread.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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post #10 of 17 (permalink) Old 04-15-2008, 07:38 AM
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Yep, I am feeling this too, my mom lately has been calling me to tell me that she hears voices. I am fking floored with sadness to hear that from a woman that was a professor, raised six kids and was considered the matriarch. I don't want to go to Dallas to see her because I am scared, I really feel like shit.
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