Date registered: Nov 2005
Location: 1313 Mockingbird lane
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
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I'm a great lover, I'll bet.
Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something...
I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
I said, "You'll be sorry."
He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"
I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Probably ... the toughest time ... in anyone's life ... is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.
When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas...
How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.
I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.
I went into Gus'es artificial organ and taco stand, said, "Give me a bladder por favor."
The guy said "Is that to go?"
I said, "Well, what else would I want it for?"
You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers. Damn anthropologists.
I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.
I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?"
I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks.
My wife said, "Yosey, I'm seeing another man." I said, "Well, try rubbing your eyes or something."