I'm a great lover, I'll bet. - Mercedes-Benz Forum

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post #1 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-15-2008, 01:29 PM Thread Starter
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I'm a great lover, I'll bet.

Women: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy little Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash or something...

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
I said, "You'll be sorry."
He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?"
I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."

Probably ... the toughest time ... in anyone's life ... is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil.

When I wake up in the morning, I just can't get started until I've had that first, piping hot pot of coffee. Oh, I've tried other enemas...

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy.

I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy.

I went into Gus'es artificial organ and taco stand, said, "Give me a bladder por favor."
The guy said "Is that to go?"
I said, "Well, what else would I want it for?"

You know, a lot of girls go out with me just to further their careers. Damn anthropologists.

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

I was pulled over in Massachusetts for reckless driving. When brought before the judge, I was asked if I knew what the punishment for drunk driving in that state was. I said, "I don't know... reelection to the Senate?"

I love to go down to the schoolyard and watch all the little children jump up and down and run around yelling and screaming. They don't know I'm only using blanks.

My wife said, "Yosey, I'm seeing another man." I said, "Well, try rubbing your eyes or something."
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post #2 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-15-2008, 02:15 PM
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Wow! Suddenly I feel alot better about myself and the problems I thought I had. Thanks Yosey! I did'nt even need a martini

"Fat, Drunk and Stupid is no way to go through life."
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post #3 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-15-2008, 02:31 PM
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I wondered if/where I'd heard those before...this guy's act was far worse than his material.

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post #4 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-15-2008, 03:23 PM
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I haven't drank any beer yet, but somehow this all makes perfect sense to me.
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post #5 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-15-2008, 03:31 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by QBNCGAR View Post
I wondered if/where I'd heard those before...this guy's act was far worse than his material.

As dry as my Martini
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post #6 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-15-2008, 03:49 PM
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I went to Sam's Club one time and bought a stereo marked down to half price because it had a crack in it. My wife said, "I don't like it because there's a crack in it."
I said, "Hell, baby! I married you and I've been married to you for 15 years and you have a crack!"

I was on the side of the road changing a flat and this guy pulls up and says, "Hey, Buddy! Got a flat?"
I said, "No. I just rotate my tires every 5000 miles, no matter where I'm at!"

2005 S430 4Matic 'Morton' W220.183 • 722.671 Rest in Peace

Bells and whistles are thorns and thistles.
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post #7 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-15-2008, 03:57 PM Thread Starter
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Sometimes my wife and I don't see eye to eye. I say Tomato she says go fuck yourself!
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post #8 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-15-2008, 08:27 PM
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My wife says that to me also, but as of today I haven't learned how to do that. And don't want to.
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post #9 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-15-2008, 10:25 PM
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Louie, Regarding the thread title itself, could we actually get an opinion on that from a 2nd party, preferably not from CLK but from a member of the opposite sex..............
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post #10 of 11 (permalink) Old 03-15-2008, 10:54 PM
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Did you hear about the 15 year old boy who came home, ran into the kitchen and proclaimed to his mom that he had just been fucking? She was appalled and sent him immediately to his room. Dad comes home, mom is furious and wants due retribution on the child through the father. Father agrees, turns away hiding a growing smile and proudly goes into speak with the boy. The father says "Son your mother is really quite upset with you, but to be honest I am amazed. I was eighteen before I ceased being a virgin and here you are at 15 already a man. Son I am proud of you."
Son says "thanks dad!" and can't stop a big smile from creeping up.
Dad turns again to the boy and asks how did it feel for him. Son pipes up and says in all actuality it hurt quite a bit and "my butt is still sore as hell."
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