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post #1 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-21-2008, 03:29 AM Thread Starter
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Unusual health advice

A different kind of DOCTOR!!!!

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... Don't waste them on exercise . Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.




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Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables .. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products


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Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


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Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


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Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


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Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable. It's the best feel-good food around! !


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Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.


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Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape! !


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Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - cabernet in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming, "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"
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post #2 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-21-2008, 04:25 AM
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hey, thats plagerism
Homer had that lot sussed years ago
No No! not the Greek one
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post #3 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-21-2008, 04:43 AM
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You know my doctor don' cha?.........Dr. Vinnie Boombatz!



I said I don't know what's wrong with me. I got up this morning looked in the mirror and wanted to throw up. My doc, he says, I don't know what's wrong with you, but your eyesight's perfect! So I says I want a second opinion! He says, OK, you're ugly, too!"

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post #4 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-21-2008, 09:18 AM
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I told the doctor, I have water on the knee. He gave me a sponge.

I ask the doc for something to stop aging, He gave me a gun
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post #5 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-21-2008, 09:27 AM
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My doctor said if I keep doing that I will go blind, so I guess I will have to learn Braille.
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post #6 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-21-2008, 09:34 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by the clk man View Post
My doctor said if I keep doing that I will go blind, so I guess I will have to learn Braille.
Masturbating is perfectly healthy but you will end up with a hairy palm
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post #7 of 7 (permalink) Old 02-21-2008, 09:35 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by the clk man View Post
My doctor said if I keep doing that I will go blind, so I guess I will have to learn Braille.

Got you covered, the Braille version of Playboy..........

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