Fish in a Barrel, Paris Hilton & Stephen Hawking, French Prez vows to seduce Hillary - Mercedes-Benz Forum

 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-16-2008, 07:51 AM Thread Starter
~BANNED~
 
Jakarta Expat's Avatar
 
Date registered: Aug 2006
Vehicle: PM me to Join the Expat Muslims for Obama Club........
Location: Jakarta, Indonesia
Posts: 17,697
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
(Thread Starter)
Fish in a Barrel, Paris Hilton & Stephen Hawking, French Prez vows to seduce Hillary

Fish in Barrel Surprisingly Difficult to Shoot

Little Rock, Arkansas-- What began as an innocent day of jests and jokes between unemployed rednecks ended in disgrace for the state of Arkansas and Rex-Bobby Ray, a Little Rock native and local redneck. Ray, along with a group of friends, were drinking beer around Billy-Bob Grayton's '57 Chevy at about ten in the morning while Grayton attempted to replace the Chevy's fifty year old carburetor.

Friends recall what happened next. For accuracy, this reporter has not altered eye-witness accounts for grammatical soundness, syntactic integrity, or overall coherence. "Well, ol' Rex-Bobby, he does like shootin' off at the mouth, you know," said 34 year old Grover Donald, an unemployed local man and old high-school buddy of Ray and Grayton. "And wouldn't you know it, it weren't long before Billy-Bob began strugglin' with that there carburetor, yessir."

Reports indicate that shortly after the difficulties with the carburetor began, Ray began to heckle Grayton. There are mixed accounts as to what specifically was said, but witnesses agree that Ray said something to the effect of 'C'mon Billy-Bob, this is as easy as shootin' fish in a barrel.'

"Normally," says Grover Donald, "Rex-Bobby ain't so quick to jack his jaw, but he'd had about fix or six Coors Light, and that'll loosen the ol' sasshole, if ya know what I mean."

Apparently, Grayton failed to take a "likin' " to what Ray had to say about the carburetor situation, and suggested that the group of friends go out back. "I always keep a barrel o' fish in the backyard," said Grayton. "I catches 'em in the bog on old man Yokum's property. He don't mind none. The water keeps 'em fresh cause I don't like 'em when they're frozen."

Grayton then instructed Ray to 'put his money where is mouth be.' Ray accepted, and retrieved one of several hunting rifles from his truck. But when Ray began to shoot, much to his surprise, no fish were killed. "It's like them little buggers just kept on swimmin' round in there," recalled a humiliated Ray. "Couldn't get one of 'em to stop movin' enough so I could shoot 'em."

News of the incident spread like wildfire as far as Texarkana. The Little Rock Tribune ran the story on its front page, and even the governor of the state has come forward to voice his opinion on the matter.

"I urge everyone to be calm," said Governor Jimbo Gulliver, "during this difficult time. We will not allow our state to be disgraced, to be known as the state whose residents can not even accomplish something so simple as shooting fish in a barrel. To quell these fears, I have instated a 'No Child Left Behind Act' for the state, which will require all children to shoot a pre-determined number of fish in a barrel before graduation of high school."

When asked about the oddness of such a requirement, the Governor added that it would not be out of place, since the state of Arkansas public schools recently elected to do away with math, english, and biology in favor of taxidermy, 'Making Safe Moonshine', and rifle maintenance programs.
Jakarta Expat is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-16-2008, 07:52 AM Thread Starter
~BANNED~
 
Jakarta Expat's Avatar
 
Date registered: Aug 2006
Vehicle: PM me to Join the Expat Muslims for Obama Club........
Location: Jakarta, Indonesia
Posts: 17,697
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
(Thread Starter)
Paris Hilton 'bent over backwards' for me - says Stephen Hawking

Rejected olympic hopefull and vegetable, Stephen Hawking, has nothing but praise for the Hilton Hotel, the 5 star facility located in the center of Paris.

Via his electronic voice box the crippled genius said "They made my stay just perfect, they bent over backwards to accommodate me - they provided ramps, special cups with straws in them, bibs, diapers and a special rail that made access to the toilet easier for me. It was so 'handicap friendly' - they really know how to cater for us."

Manager Jean Luc Bastardi responded to Hawking's praise "Stephen is always welcome back to ze 'otel. We had a little trouble early on - when some young children became frightened of him - but after that - well, e' iz the best 'one of them' we have had here for a while."

When asked if any special meals were prepared for Hawking the French man joked "Yes - the chef did him a 'Mong Toot salad'.

Meanwhile, in an unconnected story, socialite, heiress, prostitute, stripper, pole dancer, sometime model, sometime actress and circus dwarf, Paris Hilton said on her blog "If I had to, I mean HAD to shag a 'handicap', like you know, if I didn't then I couldn't have a manicure or something, then it would be that one with the funny voice and withered hand, the genius one, but he would have to bend me over and do me from behind as I wouldn't want the freak dribbling on my tits."
Jakarta Expat is offline  
post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-16-2008, 07:53 AM Thread Starter
~BANNED~
 
Jakarta Expat's Avatar
 
Date registered: Aug 2006
Vehicle: PM me to Join the Expat Muslims for Obama Club........
Location: Jakarta, Indonesia
Posts: 17,697
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
(Thread Starter)
French president unveils plan to seduce Hillary Clinton if she becomes president

In a stunning change in Foreign Policy, President Nicolas Sarkozy has announced how he plans to seduce Hillary Clinton should she become the first female president of the US.

"I want to show that France's attitude towards the States has changed and what better way to demonstrate this than actually going to bed with my opposite number."

The plans include a full state banquet at the Elysee palace (where given the presence of Bill Clinton cigars will be strictly forbidden), followed by a tour around Paris under the stars and then cognac and sex.

"I am confident that in France we will all be celebrating the coming of President Clinton."Sarkozy said.

Downing Street said that Gordon Brown looked forward to a cup of tea with whoever wins.
Jakarta Expat is offline  
post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 01-16-2008, 08:58 AM
Surely A Large Human
 
Qubes's Avatar
 
Date registered: Jun 2006
Vehicle: '08 C219
Location: Between Earth and Mars
Posts: 34,252
Mentioned: 2 Post(s)
Quoted: 493 Post(s)
Lifetime Premium Member
Qubes is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

  Mercedes-Benz Forum > General Mercedes-Benz Forums > Off-Topic

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Mercedes-Benz Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in











  • Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
     
    Thread Tools
    Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
    Email this Page Email this Page
    Display Modes
    Linear Mode Linear Mode



    Similar Threads
    Topic Author Forum Replies Last Post
    Paris Hilton Home Free!!! Yacht Master Off-Topic 71 06-20-2007 07:37 PM
    Paris checks into the Hoosegow Hilton Jayhawk Off-Topic 20 06-06-2007 02:28 PM
    Stupid Paris Hilton Check Codes Off-Topic 6 05-15-2007 06:44 PM
    Paris Hilton screwing!! ttaleric Off-Topic 16 03-16-2006 12:18 PM
    Paris Hilton for a "Holiday Display"?!?!?! Check Codes Off-Topic 0 12-09-2005 12:46 PM

    Posting Rules  
    You may post new threads
    You may post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is On
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are On
    Pingbacks are On
    Refbacks are On

     

    Title goes here

    close
    video goes here
    description goes here. Read Full Story
    For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome