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post #1 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-11-2007, 01:09 AM Thread Starter
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How to fit in at BWOT

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
# Drink liquor.

Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about.

If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date.

But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
# Make things up.

Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."

NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."

Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.

Memorize this list:

* Let me put it this way
* In terms of
* Vis-a-vis
* Per se
* As it were
* Qua
* So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't."

Here's how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say, "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money." You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D."

Only a fool would challenge that statement.
# Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

* You're begging the question.
* You're being defensive.
* Don't compare apples to oranges.
* What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means. Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.

Here's how to use your comebacks:

You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
You say: You're begging the question.

You say: Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.
You say: You're being defensive.
# Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."

Quote:
Originally Posted by nobby View Post
ils peuvent aller se faire mettre

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post #2 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-11-2007, 02:00 AM
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The Peruvian economy. Shome mishtake shurely???!!

I friggen' don't believe this. Listen to this absolutely TRUE story:

I was married to a woman who came to the USA from Peru, in 1994..

She was a biologist there with an MS degree. She had worked for a company that exported Brazil Nuts, in the QC department there.

When she settlled here, she applied for a job at a large Biotech firm in the San Francisco area. This is what happened:.


There were 10 applicants, 7 from in-house and 3 from from off the street. She was one of those three, and believed herself to be well qualified.

The head interviewer asked her: "Well, I see, here on your resume, that there is a 2 year gap in your employment history in Peru in recent years.

How do you account for that?"

She replied immediately: What do you know about the economy of Peru?

The interviewer was stumped.

He replied, "Uhh, well, nothing."

She immediately explained about the 700% yearly inflation in those years, how virtually all professional Peruvians lost their job when the economy tanked, how President ALan Garcia had looted the entire country's social security account, the country was then teetering on the brink of collapse as the Sendero Luminoso terrorist communist guerillas were bombing electical power grids and killing villagers, and the long lines people waiting to buy food.

She got the job.

UFB.

Jim
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"I swear to god, it's like I live in a trailer of common sense, and stare out the window at a tornado of stupidity." >'='<

Last edited by cascade; 12-11-2007 at 02:04 AM.
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post #3 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-11-2007, 03:07 AM
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^^^^.....I was married to a woman who came to the USA from Peru, in 1994.....

heh, heh....left for a REAL man when she got the Green Card? heh, heh......Blimey! Those 4 years must have been a laugh for her! heh, heh.....
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post #4 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-11-2007, 05:50 AM
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Originally Posted by Punjabi View Post
^^^^.....I was married to a woman who came to the USA from Peru, in 1994.....

heh, heh....left for a REAL man when she got the Green Card? heh, heh......Blimey! Those 4 years must have been a laugh for her! heh, heh.....
Say's the delivery boy who lives with his mum Bahahahahahahahahaha
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post #5 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-11-2007, 05:56 AM
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Whatever you do.............don't "Spoof" them, they cannot take it


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post #6 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-11-2007, 07:12 AM
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Is is just me or does the advice in Post #1 sound suspiciously like a typical JayMcB exchange...so to speak?

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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post #7 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-11-2007, 07:31 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Punjabi View Post
^^^^.....I was married to a woman who came to the USA from Peru, in 1994.....

heh, heh....left for a REAL man when she got the Green Card? heh, heh......Blimey! Those 4 years must have been a laugh for her! heh, heh.....
uncalled for
what should one expect from a troll anyway?
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post #8 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-11-2007, 07:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Jakarta Expat View Post
Whatever you do.............don't "Spoof" them, they cannot take it


Signed,

Pierre De Froge
Spoof hah is that what you think, your comprehension as do your Fench skills lack, as usual. But what should one expect from a trolls bitch anyway
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post #9 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-11-2007, 07:35 AM
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uncalled for
what should one expect from a troll anyway?
heh, heh.....but when he does so - it is deemed 'acceptable?' heh, heh......double standards?
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post #10 of 23 (permalink) Old 12-11-2007, 07:37 AM
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^ So you're less of a "turn the other cheek" guy, and more of an "eye for an eye" guy.

Check.
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