Smiles & Grins!
In the beginning God covered the earth with broccoli,
cauliflower and spinach, with green, yellow and red
vegetables of all kinds so Man and Woman would live
long and healthy lives.
Then using God's bountiful gifts,
Satan created Dairy Ice Cream and Magnums.
And Satan said "You want hot fudge with that?
And Man said "Yes!"
And Woman said "I'll have one too with chocolate chips".
And lo they gained 10 pounds.
And God created the healthy yoghurt that Woman
might keep the figure that Man found so fair.
And Satan brought forth white flour from the
wheat and sugar from the cane and combined them.
And Woman went from size 12 to size 14.
So God said "Try my fresh green salad".
And Satan presented Blue Cheese dressing and garlic croutons on the side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said "I have sent you healthy vegetables and olive oil in which to
And Satan brought forth deep fried coconut king prawns,
butter-dipped lobster chunks and chicken fried steak, so big it needed its
And Man's cholesterol went through the roof.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming with
potassium and good nutrition.
Then Satan peeled off the healthy skin and sliced
the starchy centre into chips and deep fried them in animal fats adding
copious quantities of salt.
And Man put on more pounds.
God then brought forth running shoes so that his Children might lose those
And Satan came forth with a cable TV with remote control so Man would not
have to toil changing the channels.
And Man and Woman laughed and cried before the flickering
light and started wearing stretch jogging suits.
Then God gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and still
satisfy his appetite.
And Satan created McDonalds and the 99p double cheeseburger.
Then Satan said "You want fries with that?"
and Man replied "Yes, And super size 'em".
And Satan said "It is good."
And Man and Woman went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple by-pass surgery.
And then . Satan chuckled and created the National Health Service.
THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION
After an exhaustive review of the research literature,
here's the final word on nutrition and health.:
1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than
3. Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer
fewer heart attacks than us.
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
FIRST PAY PACKET
This is truly a heart-warming story about the bond formed between a
little girl and some construction workers. This makes you want to
believe in the goodness of people and that there is hope for the human
A young family moved into a house next door to a vacant lot. One
day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty
The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all
activity going on next door and started talking with the workers.
She hung around and eventually the construction crew, all of them
gems-in-the-rough, more or less... adopted her as a kind of project
mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had
coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there
to make her feel important.
At the end of the first week, they presented her with a pay envelope
containing five dollars.
The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the
appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the money
she had received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.
When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed with the
story and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check
at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked all last
week with a
construction crew building a house." "My goodness gracious," said the
teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?
The little girl replied... "I will if those useless c**ts at Mitre 10
ever bring us the f *cking plasterboard."
Does evil exist? Did God create evil?
The University professor challenged his students with this question.
"Did God create everything that exists?"
A student bravely replied, "Yes he did!"
"God created everything?" The professor asked.
"Yes sir", the student replied.
The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are, then God is evil."
The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor, quite pleased with himself, boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.
Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question professor?"
"Of course", replied the professor.
The student stood up and asked, "Professor does cold exist?"
"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's question.
The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460? F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."
The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"
The professor responded, "Of course it does."
The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."
Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"
Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.
To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."
The professor sat down.
The young man's name -- Albert Einstein