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Xmas Office Politics!

heh, heh........

FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 4th November 2007
RE: Christmas Party
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas
Party will take place on December 23rd, starting at noon in the
private function room at the Grill House.
There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks!
We'll have a small band playing traditional carols...please
feel free to sing along.
And don't be surprised if the MD shows up dressed as Santa Claus!
A Christmas tree will be lit at 1.00 p.m..
Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time,
however, no gift should be over £10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for
everyone's pockets.
This gathering is only for employees! The MD will make a special
announcement at the Party.
Merry Christmas to you and your Family.
Pauline
--------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 5th November 2007
RE: Holiday Party
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude
our Jewish employees. We recognise that Chanukah is an
important holiday, which often coincides with Christmas, though
unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it
our 'Holiday Party'. The same policy applies to any other employees who
are not Christians.
There will be no Christmas tree or Christmas carols sung. We will
have other types of music for your enjoyment.
Happy now?
Happy Holidays to you and your family,
Pauline.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 6th November 2007
RE: Holiday Party
Regarding the note I received from a member of
Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table...you didn't
sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on
a table that reads, "AA Only", you wouldn't be anonymous anymore!!!!
How am Isupposed to handle this? Somebody?
Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange allowed
now since the Union Officials feel that £10.00 is
too much money and Management believe £10.00 is a little cheap.
NO GIFT EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
Pauline.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Lewis, Human Resources Director
TO: All Employees
DATE: 7th November 2007
RE: Holiday Party
What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20th
begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which
forbids eating and drinking during daylight hours. There goes the
party!
Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year
does not accommodate our Muslim employees' beliefs; perhaps the Grill House
can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else
package everything up for you to take home in a little foil doggy bag. Will
that work?
Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit
farthest from the dessert buffet and pregnant women will get the table
closest to the toilets.
Gays are allowed to sit with each other, Lesbians do not
have to sit with gay men, each will have their own table.
Yes, there will be flower arrangements/or the gay men's table too.
To the person asking permission to cross dress: no cross dressing
allowed.
We will have booster seats for short people.
Low fat food will be available for those on a diet.
We cannot control the salt used in the food; we suggest those
people with high blood pressure taste the food first..
There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant
cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts.
Sorry! Did I miss anything?!?!?!?!?!
Pauline.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: Pauline Leis, Human Resources Director
TO: All F****** Employees
DATE: 8 November 2007
RE: The F****** Holiday Party
Vegetarian pricks, I've had it with you people!!!
We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like
it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill
of death", as you so quaintly put it. You'll get your f****** salad
bar, including organic tomatoes, But you know tomatoes have feelings
too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing
them scream right NOW!!
I hope you all have a rotten holiday; drink, drive and
die.
The Bitch from
HELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
FROM: John Bishop - Acting Human Resources
Director
DATE: 9th November 2007
RE: Pauline Lewis and Holiday Party
I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Pauline Lewis a speedy
recovery, and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the
meantime, the Management has decided to cancel our Holiday
Party and instead, give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd December
off with full pay.

heh, heh.......
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