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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-19-2007, 04:44 PM Thread Starter
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Mr. Etiquette KNOWS!

Ask Mr. Etiquette - November 2, 2007 - Vox

To stop the constant questions about what is gay, and what is straight, Mr. Etiquette is going to clear the matter up for once and all.


Many people try to make sexuality into an all-or-nothing issue, not recognizing that there is a whole range of behaviors between gay and straight. It is really something more like degrees of sexuality, that every day things we engage in and think nothing of have sexual overtones. So how does one decide? What makes you gay? What makes you straight? Is there such a thing as bisexuals, or just people who are really horny and not picky? To help clear this matter up, here is Mr. Etiquette’s 10 point scale of homosexuality. Any thing below a 4.2 and you are straight. Anything above a 6.5 and you are boy-band gay. Anything in between and you are either not entirely sure, into anyone, or just easily persuadable



1. Participation in non-co-ed sports
– In your sexual prime, when your hormones are revved as far as they go, they have you spend most of your free time with members of the same gender. How cruel can you get? Why are more of these sports not co-ed? Would you really rather work all year, give it your all, to finish 3rd in your conference in an all-male sport no one will remember two years later, or spend that time on a co-ed team, making memories under the bleachers that will last you a lifetime? Thinking back to those times, would you really have preferred a terrifically athletic male teammate, or a horribly inept but slutty female one?

2. Group showers
– How much do dividers between the showers cost? $75 bucks each? Teams can have a car wash to raise 40 grand for equipment, but a few hundred dollars to prevent some naked dude from rubbing up against you is an issue?

3. Watching professional wrestling – Overly muscular men, far beyond what any normal female would find attractive, wrestling with each other shirtless in their underwear to fulfill bizarre, sexually twinged storylines. And the audience is 98.5% male? And you can’t see a littttllle bit of homosexual undertones in that one? Any activity that results in frequent disagreements requiring two or more men to strip down and grapple is not an entirely heterosexual one.

4. Finding androgynous anorexic models attractive – When you can’t be positive the gender of someone you are attracted to, that is certainly moving into the confusion range..

5. Kissed a member of the same sex, just to see what it is like – To clarify, this is an above-the-waist kiss, or you move up to a 9.2.

6. Would accept a blow-job from a dude – Varies a bit depending on level of desperation, but still a sex act with a guy. Pretty close to the definition of homosexuality.

7. Prison sex – And other situational only sex with a man. You can try to justify it, but you are still having sex with a man. And most likely a large, hairy, as-far-from-feminine-as-you-can-get man.

8. Would have sex with a dude, but only give
– If you are inside a dude, you are gay. This one, you are just not yet willing to throw all of your chips on the table.

9. Would have sex with a dude, prefer to be catcher
– Once you have been penetrated, you are all in. Giving is kind of like the engagement, there is still time to opt out and one last wild night with a bunch of strippers could change your mind. Taking is the wedding, once you are a taker, you are fully committed to the choice and there is no going back without some expensive and emotionally scarring consequences.

10. Has given so many blowjobs lips have permanent calluses.
– Really no way around it with this one, you are straight-up queer as they come.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-19-2007, 04:48 PM Thread Starter
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Is Michigan anywhere near Illinois?

Mr. Etiquette News Update - November 16, 2007 - Vox

CLIO, Mich. — A police officer checking on a truck that got stuck in the mud at a city park was startled to find a 13-year-old boy behind the wheel.

The officer also was surprised that the boy appeared to be drunk.

So did the teen's father, who was riding in the front seat. He told police that he had turned over the driving duties to his son because he'd had too much to drink.

Open containers of beer and liquor were found in the vehicle, said Clio Police Chief James McLellan.

"[The boy] even said he didn't want to drive because he was too drunk," McLellan told The Flint Journal for a story published Thursday.

The father, a 41-year-old Flint-area man, is facing several misdemeanor counts, including child endangerment, allowing an intoxicated person to drive his vehicle and allowing an unlicensed minor to drive, police said.

The boy has been petitioned into juvenile court on charges that include driving while intoxicated, police said.

The pair were arrested the night of Nov. 8. They apparently were trying to get home when they turned into the park to turn around. The truck rolled off the pavement and became stuck in the muddy soil.


There is obviously an error in this story, these are clearly Wisconsinites, not people from Michigan.

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-19-2007, 05:05 PM
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ahhhh thats better.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-19-2007, 05:13 PM
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ahhhh.

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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-19-2007, 05:21 PM
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I say fuck this survey and lets go find a few straight fucks to beat up on. Maybe we will even get lucky and find a few English ones, they are the best to fuck with.
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-19-2007, 05:47 PM
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Originally Posted by Shane View Post
I say fuck this survey and lets go find a few straight fucks to beat up on. Maybe we will even get lucky and find a few English ones, they are the best to fuck with.


Ooh you are awful..............






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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-19-2007, 06:10 PM
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Here Shaney Waney, feast your eyes. Look out for your old pal guage in the 'army' sketch:

YouTube - Camp Cuts Compilation (ooh get her!)


and some particularly eye-watering eye-candy for you:

YouTube - Julian Clary at the British Comedy Awards, 1993
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-19-2007, 06:30 PM
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That was well worth a look, It's been years ....LOL
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 11-19-2007, 06:42 PM
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Originally Posted by deathrattle View Post
Here Shaney Waney, feast your eyes. Look out for your old pal guage in the 'army' sketch:

YouTube - Camp Cuts Compilation (ooh get her!)


and some particularly eye-watering eye-candy for you:

YouTube - Julian Clary at the British Comedy Awards, 1993

You seem to know all the good ones, and in stereo no less.
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