Fast Track Management! - Mercedes-Benz Forum

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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 11-06-2007, 07:47 AM Thread Starter
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Fast Track Management!

heh, heh.......

Lesson 1:A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower,
when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and
runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before
she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you £800 to drop that towel."
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked
in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her £800 and leaves.The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets
to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?"
"It was Bob the next door neighbour," she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the
£800 he owes me?"

Moral of the story : If you share critical information pertaining to credit
and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent
avoidable exposure
Lesson 2:A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing
her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling
the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.
The nun said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest removed
his hand.
But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once
again said, "Father, remember Psalm 129?"
The priest apologised "Sorry sister but the flesh is weak." Arriving
at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."

Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might
miss a great opportunity
Lesson 3:A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch
when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish."
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be
in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world."
Puff! She's gone."Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in
Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply
of Pina Coladas and the love of my life."
Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up," the Genie says to the manager. The manager says,
"I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say!!!Lesson 4An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw
the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden,
a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story: To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting
very, very high up
Lesson 5A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get
to the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got
the energy."
"Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied
the bull. They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating
some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally after a fourth night,
the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.
He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story: BullS*** might get you to the top, but it won't keep
you there
Lesson 6A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird
froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there,
a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize
how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all
warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.
A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following
the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and
promptly dug him out and ate him.

Moral of the story:(1) Not everyone who sh* ts
on you is your enemy
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh
is your friend
(3) And when you're in deep sh* t,
it's best to keep your mouth shut!
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 11-06-2007, 05:41 PM
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life lessons.........
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 11-06-2007, 08:33 PM
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2 doctors on a medical mission to Sudan were treating patients in a village when suddenly, out of nowhere, the natives began running and screaming "Foo! Foo!". As they scattered, the doctors were wondering what was amiss when a villager prompted them, "Run for your lives! Foo Bird flying! Foo Bird shit, you die!" Before the doctors could even run, they were both splattered each by a wad of foo bird shit. The first doctor, disgusted by the mess, began to clean it off with a cloth and promptly fell over dead. A villager explained to the surviving doctor that he must not wipe it off or he, too, will die. The doctor flew home the next day, covered in foo shit. People would not sit next to him on the plane because of the increasingly, unbearable smell. When he got home, his wife made him sleep in the garage because he smelled so bad. Realizing that this was no way to live, he took a shower to wash off the foo shit and he immediately fell dead. Moral of the story: If the foo shits, wear it.
Heh, heh.

2005 S430 4Matic 'Morton' W220.183 722.671 Rest in Peace

Bells and whistles are thorns and thistles.
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