Important Tips for Successful Living - Mercedes-Benz Forum

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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-02-2007, 05:21 PM Thread Starter
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Important Tips for Successful Living

In these complex times as we wander through life tilting at Windmills and trying to fix all the problems of the World it is important to remember to not avoid the little things in life that can, if left unchecked still cause you problems. So here is a little list to start making life more simple.

Please feel free to add to it.


SIMPLE LIFE OBSERVATIONS:
  1. When choking on an ice cube, simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself.
  2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.
  3. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.
  4. To treat high blood pressure: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use the timer.
  5. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.
  6. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.
  7. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.
  8. When confused remember, everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

Daily Thought: Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

McBear,
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Being smart is knowing the difference, in a sticky situation between a well delivered anecdote and a well delivered antidote - bear.
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-02-2007, 06:18 PM
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I like # 5.

And I have to assume # 8 now applies to Joe and I.

# 7 reminds me of Tim Allen's comment on duct tape. Something along the lines of "Everyone should have duct tape handy. Remember, if you can't fix it...

DUCK IT!"


Nice list, thanks for sharing.

Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy; its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery. (Winston Churchill)
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-02-2007, 06:38 PM
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-02-2007, 08:47 PM
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I was most moved, to laughter, by the Daily Thought. I am actually looking forward to tomorrow's offering mcbear. Just to make sure it is clear to all what the Daily Thought was, I will repeat it here:

"Daily Thought: Some people are like Slinkies. Not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs."

Jim
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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-02-2007, 08:48 PM
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9. If wifey is not talking to you, do not get advice from a forum unless the counsel is from a member whose name starts with an m.
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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-02-2007, 09:02 PM
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How about this
10. Before reading the forum, remember to take your lithium.
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-02-2007, 10:17 PM
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-03-2007, 01:48 AM
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#11. If you don't like to floss, then just floss those teeth you want to keep.

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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-03-2007, 06:47 AM
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If life hands you a lemon, go beat the piss out of someone
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 11-03-2007, 06:55 AM
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^^^^

Wow Yosey, you are so pithy this morning.
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