Date registered: Dec 2006
Vehicle: 2013 VW Golf Sportwagen TDI, 2011 Mazda 2, 2000 E320 4Matic Wagon (retired),1994 C280 (retired)
Location: Toronto, Canada
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Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I agree with most of what's been said here, but I'll offer an alternative possibility, which begins with the acceptance of a simple truth: young guys are dense for the most part when it comes to understanding what women actually want, and when women are serious and when they are just kidding around. It is possible that he thought he was being amusing in a crass manner, and that you would find his attempt at humor somehow endearing. It is also possible that he used a poor joke as a way of injecting some levity into a discussion that he doesn't feel confident about having. Lets face it, for the most part guys in our society aren't permitted to have "feelings" about very much. I think we're really only allowed to get all teary-eyed when it comes to sports or when our dog dies. So he may lack the emotional maturity to communicate with you on the level you need.
Another truth is that women give us men far too much credit when it comes to giving us "hint" about things. We don't understand subtle. We just don't get it. So he may not have realized exactly what it was you want to talk about.
So here is my advice, and it comes in two parts.
1) Ask yourself if he is the guy you want to have a serious relationship with. If he isn't, then don't invest any more time. If he is proceed to step 2.
2) Have a straight-up, direct conversation with him. Tell him what you want, and what your expectations are of him. Tell him how you heard him when you had the conversation in question, and how it made you feel. DO NOT BE EMOTIONAL when you are doing this. It has to come out matter-of-fact, almost like you are reading him a set of step-by-step instructions. Tell him you want him to be honest and direct in his answers, and then judge them accordingly.
Take heart, chill-Babe. We do get better at this stuff as we get older. Not much better, but there's some improvement.