How To Impress Women - Mercedes-Benz Forum

 
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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 06-08-2007, 10:39 PM Thread Starter
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How To Impress Women

The first thing you want to do with a woman is assert that you’re in control. This can be achieved by sneaking into her house and eating all the marshmellows in her alphabits. Please note this is not a sexual connotation, I literally mean go Solid Snake on her marshmellows.

When calling her, make sure to operate a lot of industrial equipment. It shows you are tough, and you’d rather lathe wood than listen to her bullshit about the national sleeping bag vortex situation that goes down in Funkytown. Make sure to always get drunk or high before talking on the phone. When you talk to her, tell her she dresses funny and make fun of everything she says. Don’t be afraid to admit that you love to fill garbage bags with kraft dinner and stick your legs in them. Bitches be crazy yo, and that’s why you should treat them like vending machines. Only approach them with severe caution and don’t be worried when you can’t get orange soda and have to get a cola. On your first date make sure you listen to loud rap music and when she asks you to turn it down threaten to bludgeon her with a lifesize bust of Supergreg. Do not buy her any fish, and don’t feed her past midnight because she will get pregnant via a creature of pure ham energy. Aking her more questions is ideal to see if she’s your match. After all, who wants to eat a cucumber out of someone’s asshole while they teabag a pan of India ink when you cannot even agree on a distrubituon of Linux. It is prudent to coat yourself so you have a sheen of Axe or Tag on. Women like a guy that can quickly burst into flames or attract large groups of homeless people who huff him. It’s good to wait for a few dates before you take things serious. After that you should insist you watch the notebook so she can toss you off under an original Hudson’s Bay trading blanket and your ballsweat can destroy the leather the Italian cows died for so proudly.

When meeting the parents dress in a suit of armour with a backwards fitted cap instead of a helm. Take magic mushrooms and arrive on horseback. Lancing the father is best, and then beheading the mother undoes the spell of the Rootbeer chipmunks.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 06-08-2007, 10:46 PM
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Funny stuff!

someone said "You can get farther with a gun and a smile than with a smile"

Jim
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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 06-08-2007, 10:54 PM
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"I've never heard, seen, or spoken with a person named KamiL."

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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 06-08-2007, 11:54 PM
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 06-08-2007, 11:58 PM
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Originally Posted by asianml
"I've never heard, seen, or spoken with a person named KamiL."

Prince Charles married one......
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