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post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-07-2007, 12:04 PM Thread Starter
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For Catholics Only...

I'm not a Catholic, so I thought I'd share their code.
That said, there's some really funny stuff in here.



This information is for Catholics only. It must not be divulged to non-Catholics. The less they know about Catholic rituals and code words, the better off they are.


AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync.

HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range.

RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left.

INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams.

JONAH: The original "Jaws" story.

JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava.

MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. Holiday travel has always been rough.

PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking
for seats.

RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman.

USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.

SECRET HOT LINE number direct to the Holy Spirit" that only Catholics know -- "Et cum spiri - 220"

Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy; its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery. (Winston Churchill)
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post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-07-2007, 12:12 PM
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I still want to know what happened to the Holy Ghost. He up and disappeared like Roebuck.

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post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-07-2007, 12:14 PM Thread Starter
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Originally Posted by ThrillKill
I still want to know what happened to the Holy Ghost. He up and disappeared like Roebuck.
Technically, so did Sears. K-Mart now owns them, it's the American way: File Chapter 11, buy another company as part of your exit strategy.

I wonder how long it will be before that skyscraper in your neck of the woods is renamed to "K-MART TOWER".

Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy; its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery. (Winston Churchill)
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post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-07-2007, 12:26 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gregs210
Technically, so did Sears. K-Mart now owns them, it's the American way: File Chapter 11, buy another company as part of your exit strategy.

I wonder how long it will be before that skyscraper in your neck of the woods is renamed to "K-MART TOWER".
That's reintarnation.

Like when you die and come back as a Thrillbilly.
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post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-07-2007, 01:02 PM
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As a former Catholic... I still don't know what to say as much as I was totally confused back then. There were so many things to fear and be guilty about
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post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 05-07-2007, 01:54 PM Thread Starter
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Botnst
That's reintarnation.

Like when you die and come back as a Thrillbilly.
Bot, are you sure you didn't typo "retardination"?

Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy; its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery. (Winston Churchill)
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