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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-23-2007, 05:33 PM Thread Starter
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Chucking around

How much wood could a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-23-2007, 06:26 PM
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This is a difficult to question answer. The amount of wood that woodchucks would chuck on a given day varies greatly with the individual woodchuck. According to a Wall Street Journal article, New York State wildlife expert Richard Thomas found that a woodchuck could chuck around 35 cubic feet of dirt in the course of digging a burrow. Thomas reasoned that if a woodchuck could chuck wood, he would chuck an amount equal to 700 pounds.

Some say it depends on three factors:

The woodchuck's desire to chuck said wood.

The woodchuck's need to chuck the aforementioned wood.

The woodchuck's ability to chuck the wood.
Others say:

He would chuck, he would, as much as he could, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

If he could chuck wood, the woodchuck would chuck as much as he could!

A woodchuck would chuck as much wood as a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

A woodchuck would chuck all the wood that the woodchuck would chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

If a wood chuck could chuck wood, he would and should chuck wood. But if wood chucks can't chuck wood, they shouldn't and wouldn't chuck wood. Though were I a wood chuck, and I chucked wood, I would chuck wood with the best wood chucks that chucked wood.

If a woodchuck could chuck wood, then s/he'd chuck all the wood, s/he'd chuck and chuck and chuck and chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood.

It would chuck the amount of wood that she sells seashells on the seashore divided by how many pickles Peter Piper picks.

One quarter of a sycamore if you give him a quarter for every quarter of the sycamore he cut.

It might depend on how many female woodchucks were present. Or, it could depend on whether the woodchuck's mother-in-law was around or not. If she was in, he'd be chucking all day. If not, he'd be watching the football game.

Some maintain that woodchucks could not and would not chuck wood at all.

It depends on how good his dentures are!

Dig's edit:
I'm a pleasant mother pheasant plucker. I can pluck more mother pheasants than any other mother pheasant plucker. How many mother pheasants can YOU pluck, mother pheasant plucker?

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

Last edited by Digmenow; 04-23-2007 at 06:29 PM.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-23-2007, 06:41 PM
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Bah, chuck it!
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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-23-2007, 08:14 PM
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A similar dilemma

Rock-a-bye, baby
In the treetop
When the wind blows
The cradle will rock
When the bough breaks
The cradle will fall
And down will come baby
Cradle and all

I'm not sure what a bough is but the author seems like a rational adult. I think the onus is on him to replace the faulty bough before someone gets hurt. And is it necessary to string the little tot to the top of the tree? I think several inches off the ground would suffice, especially in such windy conditions.

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