An old one to loosen you guys up - Mercedes-Benz Forum

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post #1 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-20-2007, 08:07 PM Thread Starter
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An old one to loosen you guys up

A husband took his wife to play her first game of golf. Of course, the
wife promptly hacked her first shot right through the window of the
biggest house adjacent to the course.
The husband cringed, "I warned you to be careful! Now we'll have to go
up there, find the owner, apologize and see how much your lousy drive is
going to cost us."
So the couple walked up to the house and knocked on the door. A warm
voice said, "Come on in." When they opened the door they saw the damage
that was done: glass was all over the place, and a broken antique bottle
was lying on its side near the pieces of window glass.
A man reclining on the couch asked, "Are you the people that broke my
"Uh...yeah, sir. We're sure sorry about that," the husband replied.
"Oh, no apology is necessary.
Actually I want to thank you.
You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a
thousand years. Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three
I'll give you each one wish, but if you don't mind, I'll keep the last
one for myself."
"Wow, that's great!" the husband said. He pondered a moment and blurted
out, "I'd like a million dollars a year for the rest of my life."
"No problem," said the genie. "You've got it, it's the least I can do.
And I'll guarantee you a long, healthy life!"
"And now you, young lady, what do you want?" the genie asked.
"I'd like to own a gorgeous home complete with servants in every country
in the world," she said.
"Consider it done," the genie said. "And your homes will always be safe
from fire, burglary and natural disasters!"
"And now," the couple asked in unison, "what's your wish, genie?"
"Well, since I've been trapped in that bottle, and haven't been with a
woman in more than a thousand years, my wish is to have sex with your
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Gee, honey, you know we both
now have a fortune, and all those houses What do you think?"
She mulled it over for a few moments and said, "You know, you're right.
Considering our good fortune, I guess I wouldn't mind, but what about
you, honey?"
You know I love you sweetheart," said the husband. I'd do the same for
So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of
the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.
After about three hours of non-stop sex, the genie rolled over and
looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your
husband?" "Why, we're both 35," she responded breathlessly.
"No Kidding," he said." Thirty-five years old.....and both of you still believe in genies?

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post #2 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-20-2007, 08:27 PM
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...and I thought that was a true story. Silly me!

Mi$ter Right.
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post #3 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-21-2007, 06:48 AM
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An old one to loosen you guys up

I thought you were talking about vaseline.

The raw material for petroleum jelly was discovered in 1859 in Titusville, Pennsylvania where it was stuck to some of the first oil rigs in the U.S. The workers disliked the paraffin like material because it caused the rigs to seize up, but they used it on cuts and burns because it hastened healing. Robert Chesebrough, a young chemist whose previous work, distilling fuel from the oil of sperm whales, had been rendered obsolete by petroleum, went to Titusville to see what new materials had commercial potential. Chesebrough took the unrefined black "rod wax", as the drillers called it, back to his laboratory to refine it and explore potential uses.
Chesebrough discovered that by distilling the lighter, thinner oil products from the rod wax, he could create a light-colored gel. Chesebrough patented the process of making petroleum jelly (U.S. Patent 127,568) in 1872. The process involved vacuum distillation of the crude material followed by filtration of the still residue through bone char. Chesebrough traveled around New York State demonstrating the product to encourage sales by burning his skin with acid or an open flame, then spreading the ointment on his injuries and showing his past injuries healed, he claimed, by his miracle product.
Chesebrough opened his first factory in 1870 in Brooklyn. The brand name "Vaseline" stems from the German word for water, wasser (pronounced vahser), and the Greek word for oil, elaion.

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post #4 of 4 (permalink) Old 04-21-2007, 07:43 AM
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Wow. What a great thread for a Saturday morning. Funny and informative!

A priest offered a lift to a Nun. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,”Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest removed his hand. But,changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, “Father, remember Psalm 129?” The priest apologized “Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.” Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, “Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.”
Moral of the story: If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity.

Last edited by deathrattle; 04-21-2007 at 07:49 AM.
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