I am writing to thank you for your recent timely shipment of 3 cases of Feel the Love's Penis Enlargement creme. Unfortunately, I find it necessary to return the unused portion of my order, now consisting of 1/3 of a tube. I would like a full refund of all monies paid due to an unexpected development.
While I followed the directions carefully for each use, it appears that I am now suffering from an unanticipated side effect. Please be advised that neither the box, tube nor accompanying documentation made any mention of the possibility of this condition.
I have enclosed a recent photo of myself so that you may see for yourself the condition caused by the use of your product.
As you can easily see, the pupils in my eyes have diminished to the point of nonexistence. Additionally, the whites of my eyeballs have turned a pale blue as if I had consumed the Spice from Frank Herbert's SF novel, "Dune".
Please return the nine thousand dollars that I paid for your product to avoid litigation. Nothing smaller than twenties, please.
These funds are sorely needed to purchase "V V's P. P. Reduction Tonic (New Lime Flavor!)" as various web sites tout it's efficacy in dealing with conditions such as mine.