everything you ever wanted to know about Canada eh - Mercedes-Benz Forum

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post #1 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-27-2007, 11:29 AM
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Smile everything you ever wanted to know about Canada eh

Everything You've Ever Wanted To Know About Canada, eh!

[These questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website…]

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da is that big country to your North… oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is… oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can I wear high heels in Canada? (UK)
A: You are an American politician, right?

Q: Can you tell me the regions on British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Canada who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: All Canadian rattlesnakes are perfectly harmless, and can be safely handled and make good pets.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. (USA)
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Q: How do you pronounce Canada?
A: C-eh-N-eh-D-eh

Q: What's that machine that farmers harvest wheat with in Canada?
A: Concubines
and you thought canadians were dumb!!!

Last edited by dklein; 02-27-2007 at 11:34 AM.
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post #2 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-27-2007, 11:39 AM
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Smile more canadians eh

Farm Border Dispute
An old widowed woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards from the North Dakota border. Her land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years. The woman lived on the farm with her son and two grandchildren.

One day her son came to see her holding a letter. “I just got some news, Maw,” he said. “The government has come to an agreement with the people in North Dakota. They’ve decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?”

“What do I think?” his mother said. “Sign it - call them right away and tell them we accept! I don’t think I can stand another Canadian winter!”
post #3 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-27-2007, 11:48 AM
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yup more

Fill 'Er Up
A young canadian man at his first job as a waiter in a diner has a large american trucker sit down at the counter and order, Gimme three flat tires and a couple of headlights.

Bewildered he goes to the kitchen and tells the cook,
I think this guy's in the wrong store, look at what he ordered!

The cook says,
He wants three pancakes & two eggs sunny-side up.

The waiter takes a bowl of beans to the american trucker.

He looks at it and growls,
What's this? I didn't order this!

The young canadian man tells him,
The cook says that while you're waiting for your parts you might as well gas up!

post #4 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-27-2007, 11:50 AM
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I resent this imposition upon my ignorance.

"If spending money you don't have is the height of stupidity, borrowing money to give it away is the height of insanity." -- anon
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post #5 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-27-2007, 11:52 AM
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Fire Away
A fire started on some grassland near a farm. The roch county fire department was called to put out the fire. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby fraserville volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.

The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight towards the fire, drove right into the middle of the flames and stopped! The firemen jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controlled parts.

Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and was so grateful that his farm had been spared, that right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check for $1,000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds. "That ought to be obvious," he responded, wiping ashes off his coat. "The first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on our fire truck!"
post #6 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-27-2007, 11:56 AM
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Who is your Head of State?
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post #7 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-27-2007, 12:02 PM
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Originally Posted by GermanStar
I represent this imposition upon my ignorance.
there i fixed your statement for ya.
post #8 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-27-2007, 12:04 PM
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Originally Posted by deathrattle
Who is your Head of State?
would you please clarify the question .
or say it in canadian not american thanks eh!
post #9 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-27-2007, 12:12 PM
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Smile yup more jokes

The Hobo Painter

A hobo (wanderer) comes up to the front door of a neat looking farmhouse and raps gently on the door. When the farm owner answers, the hobo asks him, "Please, sir, could you give me something to eat? I haven't had a good meal in several days." The owner says, "I have made a fortune in my lifetime by supplying goods for people. I've never given anything away for nothing. However, if you go around the back, you will see a gallon of paint and a clean paint brush. If you will paint my porch in the back of the house, I will give you a good meal."

So the hobo goes around back and a while later he again knocks on the door. The owner says, "Finished already? Good. Come on in. Sit down The cook will bring your meal right in." The hobo says, "Thank you very much, sir. But there's something that I think you should know. It's not a Porche you got there. It's a mercedes benz."

post #10 of 28 (permalink) Old 02-27-2007, 12:18 PM
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how easter eggs are made

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