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post #1 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-20-2007, 02:42 PM
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Talking billy jokes

argh have you ever been to sea
no but ive been blown ashore

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post #2 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-20-2007, 02:42 PM
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Isn't that a Newfie joke?

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post #3 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-20-2007, 03:02 PM
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where the fuck do you think captain hind grinder originated from,billy

now lean over the side and look at the poiposes.
post #4 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-20-2007, 03:04 PM
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Billy's boss called him and asked why didn't you come in to work today. Billy said I'm suffering from anal glacoma. his boss said what is that. Billy said I couldn't see my ass coming into work today.
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post #5 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-20-2007, 03:09 PM
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Post argh

the cabin boy the cabin boy
the little rotten nipper
he broke some glass
shoved it up his ass
and circumcised the skipper.
post #6 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-20-2007, 03:24 PM
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Smile i found more

Little BILLY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another. After the 6th one, a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat." Little BILLY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." "Oh?" replied the man. " Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" "No" replied Little Billy, "he minded his own fucking business!!"

LITTLE BILLY ON...PHILOSOPHY A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on little BILLY. He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot." The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking." Then little BILLY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?" The teacher, blushing a great deal, replies, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone." To which Little BILLY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking."

LITTLE BILLY ON... MATHS Little BILLY returns home from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. "Why?" asks the father." "The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3?' I said 6," replied BILLY. "But that's right!" says his dad. "Yeah, but then she asked me, 'How much is 3x2?'" "What's the fucking difference?" asks the father? "That's what I said!"

LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH Little BILLY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?" BILLY says " Mas-tur-bate." Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little BILLY, that's a mouthful." Little BILLY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."

LITTLE BILLY ON...GRAMMAR One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice. First she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully." The teacher responded, "Excellent, Michael!" Then, she reluctantly called on little BILLY. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful."

LITTLE BILLY ON...ENGLISH A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence. Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating." The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word "'fascinate.'" Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated." The teacher said, "Good, but I wanted the word 'fascinate.'" Little Billy raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Billy was noted for is bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate" so she called on him. Billy said, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8."

post #7 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-20-2007, 03:33 PM
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Smile yet more billy jokes

One day, little Billy comes home from kindergarten for lunch. Not finding his mother in the kitchen, or the living room, he heads upstairs to check her bedroom. He opens the door,and what does he see, but his father, who had also come home for lunch, stripped naked,on top of his mother, also naked, heavily into the act of lovemaking. Not wanting to traumatize the boy, the parents continue as if nothing was wrong. Billy watches, and after a couple of minutes asks,"Daddy, can I climb on and have a horsie ride?" "Of course, Son, we're a family." So Billy climbs on and after a few more minutes his
mother starts moaning and writhing wildly. "Hang on Dad!", cries Billy, "this is where me and the mailman usually falls off!"

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home
and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story.
The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer
to tell a story. Suzy said, "Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the
truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday
we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the
road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies,
"Don't keep all your eggs in one basket."

Next is little Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we
take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only
8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story.
Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane
was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with
only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he
drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of
100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun but ran out of
bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on
his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands".
The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any
moral to his story. Billy replies, "Don't fuck with uncle Ted when he's
been drinking."
post #8 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-20-2007, 05:02 PM
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? ? ? ? ?

I can only surmise that north of the border "Little Johnny" changes his name???

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post #9 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-20-2007, 05:05 PM
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Originally Posted by gregs210
I can only surmise that north of the border "Little Johnny" changes his name???
:::Headslap::: THAT'S what I was missing!

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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post #10 of 21 (permalink) Old 02-20-2007, 05:06 PM
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Two men were walking through the woods and came upon a big, black, deep hole. One man picked up a rock and tossed it into the hole and stood listening for the rock to hit bottom. Nothing.

He turned to the other guy and said "that must be a deep hole...let's throw a bigger rock in there and listen for it to hit bottom."

The men found a bigger rock and both picked it up and lugged it to the hole and dropped it in. They listened for some time and....nothing.

Again, they agreed that this must be one deep hole and maybe they should throw something even bigger into it.

One man spotted a big log nearby. They picked it up, grunting and groaning, and threw it to the hole, listening intently......nothing.

All of a sudden, a billy goat came flying out of the woods, running like the wind, and flew past the men and jumped straight into the hole. The men were astounded.

They walked on through the woods, continuing to discuss the wild events, and happened upon an old farmer who asked the men if they had seen a billy goat. One man told the farmer of the incredible incident they had just witnessed...they had just seen this billy goat fly out of the woods, and run and leap into the big hole. He asked the farmer if this could have been his billy goat.

The old farmer said "Naw, that can't be my billy goat...he was tied to a big log."

Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy; its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery. (Winston Churchill)
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