Something to offend everyone - Mercedes-Benz Forum

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post #1 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-16-2007, 03:14 PM Thread Starter
GHM
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Smile Something to offend everyone

What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on Juan


What is a Yankee?
The same as a Quickie, but a guy can do it alone.


What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
The position of the dirt bag.


Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.


What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts....


Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.


What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.



What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lb.


What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes



What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.


Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.





Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.




What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you




What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
Because they have cotton balls.


What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.


What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"


Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
Mace will do that to you.


Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
Because he heard everyone there has the same DNA.


Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't ha ve eyes.


Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.


Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different Bar.


Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a blonde baby?
They named him "Sum Ting Wong."




What would you call it when an Italian h as one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.


What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at half-mast?
They're hiring.





What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe."


How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!



What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time.
A southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit....


Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
No one is tall enough to go on the good rides
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post #2 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-16-2007, 03:22 PM
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I wasn't offended at all, your spelling and grammar seemed fine to me.
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post #3 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-16-2007, 03:29 PM
Surely A Large Human
 
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Weak....try this.

Your mom - Uncyclopedia
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post #4 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-16-2007, 03:46 PM
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Yeah, those are just funny.

OBK #35

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post #5 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-16-2007, 04:10 PM
worst mod in BW history
 
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"Hey Ogg, that guy just stole our jokes"


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post #6 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-16-2007, 04:13 PM
Boring Cars...meh!
 
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Why do white people like to have sex in front of the mirror?

A: Objects may be larger than they appear.

http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c328/nutz4benz/W123/6C3A9CA5-EDFF-4834-8125-34B70B20A676_zpsiyesrawz.jpg
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post #7 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-16-2007, 04:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nutz4benz
Why do white people like to have sex in front of the mirror?

A: Objects may be larger than they appear.
Why do black people like to have sex in the bath tub?
A: Objects may appear to be swimming

Last edited by DP; 02-16-2007 at 04:38 PM.
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post #8 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-16-2007, 04:41 PM
Boring Cars...meh!
 
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How do you stop an Israeli tank?


Shoot the guy pushing it.

http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c328/nutz4benz/W123/6C3A9CA5-EDFF-4834-8125-34B70B20A676_zpsiyesrawz.jpg
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post #9 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-16-2007, 04:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nutz4benz
How do you stop an Israeli tank?


Shoot the guy pushing it.
How do you stop an Arab tank?

You show them the stalled Israeli tank
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post #10 of 12 (permalink) Old 02-16-2007, 05:17 PM
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Can't think of anything more offensive than this...

Last edited by Shane; 12-06-2009 at 10:03 PM.
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