Date registered: May 2006
Location: Back in the USA!
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New element found!
Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory has just announced the discovery of the densest element yet known to science. The new element has been named "Bushcranium".
Bushcranium has one neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons, and 224 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 311.
These particles are held together by dark forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
The symbol for Bushcranium is "W".
Bushcranium's mass actually increases over time, as morons randomly interact with various elements in the environment and become assistant deputy morons in the Bushcranium molecule, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to believe that Bushcranium is formed whenever morons reach a certain level of concentration.
This hypothetical quantity is referred to as "Critical
When catalyzed with money, Bushcranium activates Foxnewsium, an element that radiates orders of magnitude more energy, albeit as incoherent noise, since
it has half as many peons as it does morons.