Men vs. Women - Mercedes-Benz Forum

 
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post #1 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-09-2006, 02:29 PM Thread Starter
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Men vs. Women

The list continues to grow...lots of these were new to me.
(I'm trying to figure out which is truest on this list: No. 7 or No. 12 )

Enjoy, hate, ignore, comment or add your own.


THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN & WOMEN

1. NAMES
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch, they will call
each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.

If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out, they will affectionately refer to
each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.

2. EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20,
even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller
and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the women get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

3. MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need, but it's on sale.

4. BATHROOMS
A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man
would not be able to identify most of these items.

5. ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that... is the beginning of a new argument.

6. CATS
Women love cats.

Men say they love cats, but they really like dogs. Big ones. That hate cats.

7. FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

8. SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

9. MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

10. DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

11. NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret
fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

13. THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Any married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people
remembering the same thing.

AND FINALLY....
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them
wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules,
donkeys, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy; its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery. (Winston Churchill)
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post #2 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-09-2006, 03:12 PM
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I'm clearly not who I've been claiming to be all along...I like and prefer cats.
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post #3 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-09-2006, 06:53 PM
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cats are for gay people....

anyway, that's a pretty funny list.
post #4 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-09-2006, 07:27 PM
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Coming from you, that's a rather lukewarm indictment.
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post #5 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-09-2006, 07:30 PM
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Do men actually own cats when they live by themselves? I guess it's cool and all but definitely not for me.
post #6 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-09-2006, 07:46 PM
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Good gosh, I'm an adult, and don't require mommy and daddy to cover all of life's little boo boos...so yes, I do live by myself, in a way. Cats are perfect for an active lifestyle, as they don't require constant attention, care and feeding. Trusting you with the care and feeding of anything larger than an amoeba is probably a bit of a stretch, so even a cat's probably not in your future.
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post #7 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-09-2006, 07:54 PM
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I have FOUR cats and they are the coolist shit around, but of course I like my dog too. Now if I was single I would have gone for a dog just like the one I have because he is a REAL chick magnet. If I only had known twenty years ago
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post #8 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-09-2006, 07:58 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Professor
Now if I was single I would have gone for a dog just like the one I have because he is a REAL chick magnet. If I only had known twenty years ago
Awww...youth is wasted on the wrong people!

Quis custodiet ipsos custodes?

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post #9 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-09-2006, 08:03 PM
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Originally Posted by Digmenow
Awww...youth is wasted on the wrong people!
Now you tell me
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post #10 of 10 (permalink) Old 12-09-2006, 08:04 PM
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11b. hahahahaha



in political asylum
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