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post #1 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2006, 02:20 AM Thread Starter
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Season's greetings!

;-)
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post #2 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2006, 02:26 AM Thread Starter
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:-0
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post #3 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2006, 02:27 AM
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I have already decorated one house, and now the other must be done. I am converting to Judaism before this time next year just to miss out on all the work.
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post #4 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2006, 02:41 AM Thread Starter
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^^^^^^

Good idea. I wouldn't miss the bacon sandwiches but the conversion from 'cavalier' to 'roundhead' might make me think twice!
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post #5 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2006, 03:20 AM
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This guy comes walking into a crowded bar with a crocodile on a leash, everyone backs off scared.
The Man says, "not to worry folks! this is a very friendly crocodile, very sweet natured, won't hurt a fly! "
The man sits down at the bar and orders a beer, everyone still very scared and staying away as far as possible from the croco.
The man says, "really people, there's no reason to be scared, look, I'll show you."
He unzippes his fly, gets his dick out, opens the mouth of the crocodile, puts his dick in, closes the mouth again and hits the crocodile
a few times hard on the top of his head with his fist.
"See?" he says, "nothing happened. Is there perhaps anyone else that would like to try it?"
A blonde lady at the end of the bar stands up and says, "Yes sir, I would like to try it but you have to promise me not to hit me on the head as you did with that poor crocodile!"
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post #6 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2006, 03:55 AM Thread Starter
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^^^^^^

You've been hanging out with your new friend from the Liverpool St train, haven't you?
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post #7 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2006, 04:15 AM Thread Starter
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A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl stopped beside him on her shiny new bike.
Nice bike," the cop said, "Did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "He sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20 ticket for a safety violation, saying, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.
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post #8 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2006, 04:18 AM
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No I come here to interface with the insane
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post #9 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2006, 04:23 AM
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Handsome Harry Flashman was a lad,
A drinker of brandy, a cad.
One a hot summer's day
He put too much away,
Was expelled for making the Doctor quite mad!

Thou' Harry was feeling quite sick
Of Tom Brown the rotten little tick!
Those gin punches an' beer
May have made him feel queer.
But they got him out of Rugby real Quick!

Home to his father he was sent,
In shame and disgrace off he went.
While his father was damning and stern
Judy did a quick turn
So Harry couldn't stop to repent!

He met Lord Cardigan in Cherry Red,
Later a French Tart he rogered in bed!
He found the conclusion
A duel, no pyrotechnic illusion!
A real invitation to be shot in the head!

Now the assassin, with pistols was damn handy
Cried Flashman "Please a double shot of the brandy!"
Then with a widening grin,
He said "let's do this guy in!"
"I hear at the slight hand you're quite handy."

On ground in the morning they gathered-
Flashman full of nerves how he lathered,
But with bullet removed
He could not be moved
So the Crackshot - shot, he missed that's absurd!

Harry Flashman raised his pistol for measure,
And idly shot a decanter of Brandy for pleasure
All was affray
How he deferred on the day
So remember it this way:
a shot of Brandy in morning's a treasure!

Now the trouble he caused filled up the papers
And Lord Cardigan was not keen on his capers!
So Flashman was sacked,
To Glasgow he was packed
And Lord Cardigan fainted away with vapours.

Flashman was full woe and of ill,
For there was trouble about at the mill.
Morrison shouted riot!
Harry said "No 'tis all quiet!"
But Morrison spake to rake
"tis not safe take my daughter away to hill!"

The mill owner's daughter was blonde,
Of flowers and of kittens she was fond
Flashman was quick
He was in for a trick
Here's a rose, how's your pussy, let's bond!

The mill owner's daughter was buxom
Birds and butterflies she looks for 'em
While lying in field
To Harry she'd yield
Cos' with her legs in the air she could fuck some!

The mill owner's daughter was busty
And we all know how Harry is lusty
Elbseth's wobbling tit's
Always got him fits
So not waiting a jot into her softness he thrust he!

The mill owner's daughter was fond of a prank
So to her sister and mother she was frank
Told a sad story
Of heaven and glory
And of Harry had taught her wank.

Harry Flashman knew he was in trouble
He thanked god 'twas only one daughter not double!
With no conviction he'd laid
Elspeth Morrison- a maid,
He should have made do with the mother,
her wart an' her stumble!

Father Morrison of the mill
Sent round the boys with a bill
For fornicating and raking
For Loving' and forsaking
You'll marry her or your guts we will spill!

With a Glasgow trull I'll not tarry
But for a gun in the back I might marry
I'll make her a bride,
Have a quick ride
Then off to London Elspeth I'll carry

Lord Cardigan was in a frightful mood,
For you see to marry mill owner's daughter 'tis rude,
For he told Harry
In this regiment don't tarry
And he was sent to where have curry for food!

Fatnab taught Flashman the 97 ways of love making
Though Harry was no stranger to raking...
Fatnab showed off her Charms -
Folded her arms arms
And then with knee's air said - Harry! I'm your's for taking!

Fatnab taught Harry the 97 ways of Hindu love,
Fatnab said this one is called the gull and the dove,
With her arms stretched wide,
And her legs were a guide
So just Harry just fell in from above!

Fatnab taught Harry the 97 way of Hindu sex
How to do it concave and convex
With toe in each ear,
And thumb in his rear
Flashy said can't we just do it doggie style next.

Fatnab taught Harry the 97 ways of Hindu Copulation
How to satisfy a girl of any frustration
Harry said I know it's a bore
But my bits are rubbed raw
Any more friction could cause a conflagration!

Fatnab taught Harry the 97 Hindu positions
So many names in a book of Indian traditions
Flashy was gagging
From all of the shagging
Said Fatnab disgusted "so much for pocket editions."

Fatnab taught Harry the 97 ways in a day
Flashy was well up the Asian display
He whipped his cock out
Waved it about
Cried "here's to roast beef and a roll the hay!"
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post #10 of 13 (permalink) Old 12-06-2006, 04:47 AM Thread Starter
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^^^^^^^^^^

What's with Flashman obsession? Are you a member, what?
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