Guts and Balls........ - Mercedes-Benz Forum

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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 11-09-2006, 09:28 AM Thread Starter
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Guts and Balls........

Thought about trying this out at home, but I rather enjoy my hot meals and clean clothes at home.

We've all heard about people having guts or balls.
But do you really know the difference between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the subject.

In reality there isn't much difference since either one will ultimately result in death.
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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 11-09-2006, 09:31 AM
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Hahaha -- very good. Welcome to the mud pit Texas! You know what a buddy is, dontcha? It's a guy who goes out and gets two blowjobs, then comes back and gives you one.

"If spending money you don't have is the height of stupidity, borrowing money to give it away is the height of insanity." -- anon
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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 11-09-2006, 09:34 AM
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True Texans

1. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor on the highway.

2. "Vacation" means going to the family reunion.

3. You've seen all the biggest bands ten years after they were popular.

4. You measure distance in minutes.

5. You know several people who have hit a deer.

6. Your school classes were canceled because of cold.

7. Your school classes were canceled because of heat.

8. You've had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

9. You think ethanol makes your truck "run a lot better."

10. Stores don't have bags; they have sacks.

11. Stores don't have shopping carts; they have buggies.

12. You see people wearing bib overalls at funerals, but think nothing of it.

13. You see a car running in the parking lot at the store with no one in it, no matter what time of the year.

14. You use "fix" as an auxiliary verb. Example: "Ahm fixin' to go to the store."

15. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, or animal.

16. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

17. You think of the major four food groups as beef, pork, beer, and Jell-O salad with marshmallows.

18. You carry jumper cables in your car ... for your OWN car.

19. You know what "cow tippin" and "snipe huntin" is.

20. You only own four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco.

21. You think everyone from a bigger city has an accent.

22. You think sexy lingerie is a tee shirt and boxer shorts.

23. The local paper covers national and international news on one page but requires 6 pages for sports.

24. You think that deer season is a national holiday.

25. You know which leaves make good toilet paper.

26. You find 90 degrees F "a little warm."

27. You know all 4 seasons: Almost summer, summer, Still summer, and Christmas.

28. You know if another Texan is from south, east, west, or north Texas as soon as they open their mouth.

29. There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.

30. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as "good gumbo weather."

31. A carbonated soft drink isn't a soda or a cola or a pop-it's a Coke (or a Dr. Pepper), regardless of brand or flavor.

32. Going to Walmart is a favorite past-time known as "goin' wal-martin'."

33. You recognize that cheese grits and catfish nuggets is a meal that must have been bestowed upon the people by the Lord Himself.

34. You can be satisfied with a meal consisting only of a hunk of bread with flavored flour water (a delicacy known as "biscuits n' gravy").

35. You actually get these jokes and forward them to all your friends from Texas.
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