So this pirate walks into a bar...... - Page 2 - Mercedes-Benz Forum

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post #11 of 25 (permalink) Old 11-04-2006, 12:02 AM
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My opinion of this thread...

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post #12 of 25 (permalink) Old 11-04-2006, 06:46 AM
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It's to die for.
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post #13 of 25 (permalink) Old 11-04-2006, 06:52 AM Thread Starter
worst mod in BW history
 
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It's unlocked, cocked and ready to rock?

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post #14 of 25 (permalink) Old 11-04-2006, 11:50 AM
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Guy goes into a pet store. He's looking around, and he notices a frog with a price tag of $2,000. He turns to the owner and says "Man, that must be some kind of rare frog or something, is that why the price is so high?". "No", says the owner, 'that frog costs a lot because he can give the best blow job in the entire world. I guarantee you, that if I have that frog give you a blow job, you will write me a check as soon as it's over." So the guy decides to take the frog for a test drive. Sure enough, the frog sucks his cock like he has never experienced - it is the single greatest sexual episode of his life. He crawls to the counter, and writes the owner a check for $2,000.

A few hours later, he is at home, when his wife arrives. She finds him and the frog in the kitchen. Flour, hamburger, canned vegetables are everywhere - the kitchen is a disaster."Oh my God!" she exclaims "what is happening here!". Her husband turns to here and says "I'm trying to teach this fucking frog how to make dinner."

Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

-President Barack Obama, 1st Inaugural address
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post #15 of 25 (permalink) Old 11-04-2006, 01:56 PM
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Ugh.

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post #16 of 25 (permalink) Old 11-04-2006, 02:53 PM
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Come on, this one is always good for a laugh!


Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions. They understood that our power alone cannot protect us, nor does it entitle us to do as we please. Instead, they knew that our power grows through its prudent use; our security emanates from the justness of our cause, the force of our example, the tempering qualities of humility and restraint.

-President Barack Obama, 1st Inaugural address
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post #17 of 25 (permalink) Old 11-04-2006, 08:29 PM
Boring Cars...meh!
 
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A guy walks into a bar with a monkey and orders a drink for himself.
The bartender looks at the monkey and says to the guy "Hey, we have
health standards here, get that monkey out of here!"


"Aw," says the guy, "He's Okay. I'll pay for any damages that he
makes."

Ill at ease, the bartender agrees. After a few minutes, the monkey
jumps from the bar over to the pool table, grabs the cue ball and
swallows it.

"That's it!" the bartender screams, "Get that monkey out of here!"

"Hey," says the guy, "it's Okay. Look, I'll pay you $100 for the cue
ball and leave."

The guy drops a $100 bill on the bar, gathers his monkey and leaves.

Two weeks later, the same guy with the same monkey show up at the same bar. The bartender, remembering the incident, says: "Listen buddy,
are you going to keep your monkey in line?"

"Yeah," says the guy, "don't worry about any cue balls."

After a few minutes the monkey runs across the bar to a bowl of grapes
and grabs one. He looks at the grape for a minute or two and promply
shoves it up his rear end. Sitting there for a while, he then proceeds
to eat the grapes one by one.

"That has to be the grossest thing I ever saw in my life," says the
bartender.
"Yeah," says the guy, "but after the cue ball, he began to size
everything he eats."

__________________________________________________ _________


A guy walks into a bar and sits down on a stool. Sitting
on the stool next to him is a monkey. The guys turns to
the bartender and says,"why is there a monkey sitting on
that stool."
The bartender says " he does really neat trick, watch." So
the bartender picks up a bat and hits the monkey up the
side of the head. The monkey jumps up and starts giving
the bartender a blowjob.
After the monkey was done, the guys says to the bartender
" that's really neat"
The bartender says to him, "would you like to try it. The
guy says, "Sure, Just don't hit me as hard as you hit the monkey.

http://i30.photobucket.com/albums/c328/nutz4benz/W123/6C3A9CA5-EDFF-4834-8125-34B70B20A676_zpsiyesrawz.jpg
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post #18 of 25 (permalink) Old 11-05-2006, 06:56 AM
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A lady walks by a pet store and a large parrot was in a cage outside the store. The parrot yells, "Hey, you! Yeah you! I'm talking to you, ugly bitch, with the big fat ass and the tits that sag like potato sacks!"
"Well, I never!", yelled the woman as she stomps into the store to confront the owner.
"Your bird just insulted me!"
"What'd he say?"
"He said I was a fat ugly bitch with potato sack tits!"
The owner trying to contain himself, said he'd take care of it and goes out and grabs the bird by the neck, brings it inside the store, slaps it a couple of times and then demands the bird apologize. The bird said, "I'm sorry" and the lady left.
The next day, the lady walks by the pet store and the bird yells, "Hey, you! Yeah, you!".
She walks up to the cage and the bird says, "You know!"

2005 S430 4Matic 'Morton' W220.183 • 722.671 Rest in Peace

Bells and whistles are thorns and thistles.
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post #19 of 25 (permalink) Old 11-05-2006, 07:09 AM
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A skeleton walks into a bar, orders a beer and a mop......







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post #20 of 25 (permalink) Old 11-05-2006, 12:08 PM
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The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world!
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