A guy walks into a bar with a monkey and orders a drink for himself.
The bartender looks at the monkey and says to the guy "Hey, we have
health standards here, get that monkey out of here!"
"Aw," says the guy, "He's Okay. I'll pay for any damages that he
Ill at ease, the bartender agrees. After a few minutes, the monkey
jumps from the bar over to the pool table, grabs the cue ball and
"That's it!" the bartender screams, "Get that monkey out of here!"
"Hey," says the guy, "it's Okay. Look, I'll pay you $100 for the cue
ball and leave."
The guy drops a $100 bill on the bar, gathers his monkey and leaves.
Two weeks later, the same guy with the same monkey show up at the same bar. The bartender, remembering the incident, says: "Listen buddy,
are you going to keep your monkey in line?"
"Yeah," says the guy, "don't worry about any cue balls."
After a few minutes the monkey runs across the bar to a bowl of grapes
and grabs one. He looks at the grape for a minute or two and promply
shoves it up his rear end. Sitting there for a while, he then proceeds
to eat the grapes one by one.
"That has to be the grossest thing I ever saw in my life," says the
"Yeah," says the guy, "but after the cue ball, he began to size
everything he eats."
A guy walks into a bar and sits down on a stool. Sitting
on the stool next to him is a monkey. The guys turns to
the bartender and says,"why is there a monkey sitting on
The bartender says " he does really neat trick, watch." So
the bartender picks up a bat and hits the monkey up the
side of the head. The monkey jumps up and starts giving
the bartender a blowjob.
After the monkey was done, the guys says to the bartender
" that's really neat"
The bartender says to him, "would you like to try it. The
guy says, "Sure, Just don't hit me as hard as you hit the monkey.