Hypnotist at the Senior Center - Mercedes-Benz Forum

 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #1 of 6 (permalink) Old 06-16-2006, 06:19 PM Thread Starter
BenzWorld Elite
 
Check Codes's Avatar
 
Date registered: Mar 2005
Vehicle: '01-E320 & 02-ST2
Location: John 15:18-19
Posts: 31,634
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 35 Post(s)
(Thread Starter)
Hypnotist at the Senior Center

It was entertainment night at the senior center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill. People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his
thing.

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I
intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this
antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface.

Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.
"SHIT!" said the Hypnotist.



It took three days to clean up the senior center.
Check Codes is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #2 of 6 (permalink) Old 06-16-2006, 07:04 PM
worst mod in BW history
 
ThrillKill's Avatar
 
Date registered: Apr 2005
Vehicle: ML CLK Iridescent Hyundai Accent lol,GoPed Freightshaker & Volvo semi's, c'mawn?
Location: Chicago
Posts: 27,762
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Lifetime Premium Member
A little old lady went to the grocery store to buy cat food. She picked up three cans and took them to the check out counter.

The girl at the cash register said, "I'm sorry, but we cannot sell you cat food without proof that you have a cat. A lot of older people buy cat food to eat, and the government requires proof that you are buying the cat food for your cat."

The little old lady went home, picked up her cat and brought it back to the store, and they sold her the cat food.

The next day, she tried to buy three cans of dog food. Again the cashier demanded proof that she had a dog, because older people sometimes eat dog food.

She went home and brought in her dog, and they sold her dog food.

The next day she brought in a box with a hole in the lid, and asked the cashier to stick her finger in the hole but the cashier refused, saying "No, you might have a snake in there." The little old lady assured her that there was nothing in the box that would harm her. So the cashier put her finger into the box and pulled it out and exclaimed, "That smells like shit." The little old lady said, "It is. Now can I buy three rolls of toilet paper?"

ThrillKill is offline  
post #3 of 6 (permalink) Old 06-17-2006, 06:56 AM
Lifetime Premium Member
 
Peteski's Avatar
 
Date registered: Dec 2003
Vehicle: 2004 CL500 2008 ML320CDI
Location: Wausau, Wis.
Posts: 449
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Lifetime Premium Member
The aide walks into Mr. Johnson's room at the home, and he's got his cereal bowl upside down on the tray, and he's moving it around and around while making an engine like sound. "What are you doing?" she asks. "Driving to Florida!" he says. At noon, it's the same thing: soup bowl upside down, goinf round and round while he makes the "Errnrrr" sound. "Now what are you doing, Mr. Johnson?" "I told you," he yells, "I'm driving to Florida!" Suppertime rols around, and this time it's his pudding bowl upside down, and still the noises; so she askes again, and he gets really curt as he tells her for the third time "I'm driving to Florida, dammit!" Just then she notices his roommate, Mr. Smith, in the corner playing with himself. "Mr. Smith, what do you think you're doing?!" "Hey," he says, " while Johnson's in Florida I'm screwing his wife."
Peteski is offline  
post #4 of 6 (permalink) Old 06-18-2006, 03:23 AM
BenzWorld Elite
 
shrimpton's Avatar
 
Date registered: Aug 2002
Vehicle: '90 560SEL, V8 Landcruiser, Toyota S/Wagon
Location: Christchurch, New Zealand
Posts: 2,552
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Three good ones - cheers!!.
shrimpton is offline  
post #5 of 6 (permalink) Old 06-18-2006, 06:42 AM
~BANNED~
 
deathrattle's Avatar
 
Date registered: Jan 2005
Vehicle: 1992 W126 300 SE
Location: Head in the clouds
Posts: 11,045
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 2 Post(s)
Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel, and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic, the other residents tolerated her, and some of the males actually joined in.

One day, Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. “STOP!” he shouted in a firm voice. “Have you got a license for that thing?” Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper, and held it up to him. “OK” he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall.

As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, Weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted “STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?” Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster, and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said, Carry on, ma’am.”

As Ethel neared the final corridor before the front door, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, stark naked, with a very sizable erection. Oh, good grief,” cried Ethel, “not the Breathalyzer again!”
deathrattle is offline  
post #6 of 6 (permalink) Old 06-18-2006, 08:22 AM
worst mod in BW history
 
ThrillKill's Avatar
 
Date registered: Apr 2005
Vehicle: ML CLK Iridescent Hyundai Accent lol,GoPed Freightshaker & Volvo semi's, c'mawn?
Location: Chicago
Posts: 27,762
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
Lifetime Premium Member
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink. Looking around, he sees 3 men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest one, square in the face and says: "I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck naked. Man, she is one fine looking woman!"
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat. The drunk leans on the table again and says: "I got it on with your grandma, nailed her six ways to next week and she is GOOD, the best I ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad but the biker still says nothing. The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, BOY, your grandma liked it. She squealed like a naked bitch in heat!" At this point the biker stands up, takes the drunk by the shoulders looks him square in the eyes and says, "Grandpa,....... Go home, you're drunk."

ThrillKill is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
Reply

  Mercedes-Benz Forum > General Mercedes-Benz Forums > Off-Topic

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the Mercedes-Benz Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in











  • Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
     
    Thread Tools
    Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
    Email this Page Email this Page
    Display Modes
    Linear Mode Linear Mode



    Posting Rules  
    You may post new threads
    You may post replies
    You may not post attachments
    You may not edit your posts

    BB code is On
    Smilies are On
    [IMG] code is On
    HTML code is Off
    Trackbacks are On
    Pingbacks are On
    Refbacks are On

     

    Title goes here

    close
    video goes here
    description goes here. Read Full Story
    For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome