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post #1 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-28-2006, 04:57 PM Thread Starter
Always Remembered RIP
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An Australian, an Irishman and a Liverpudlian are in a bar.

They're staring at another man sitting on his own at a table in the corner.

He's so familiar, and not recognising him is driving them mad.

They stare and stare, until suddenly the Irishman twigs:

"My God, it's Jesus!"

Sure enough, it was Jesus, nursing a pint.

Thrilled, they send him over a pint of Guinness, a pint of Fosters and a pint of bitter.

Jesus accepts the drinks, smiles over at the three men, and drinks the pints slowly, one after another.

After he's finished the drinks, Jesus approaches the trio.

He reaches for the hand of the Irishman and shakes it, thanking him for the Guinness.

When he lets go, the Irishman gives a cry of amazement: "My God!

The arthritis I've had for 30 years is gone. It's a miracle!"

Jesus then shakes the Aussie's hand, thanking him for the pint of amber nectar.

As he lets go, the man's eyes widen in shock.

"Strewth mate, the bad back I've had all my life is completely gone!

It's a miracle."

Jesus then approaches the Liverpudlian who knocks over a chair and a table in trying to get away from the Son of God.

"What's wrong my son?" says Jesus.

The Liverpudlian shouts back, "fuck off, I'm on
disability benefit!"

- Jason

'61 Mercedes 220SEb coupe
'64 Land Rover IIa
'83 Mercedes 500SL
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post #2 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-28-2006, 06:38 PM
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RE: Jesus

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post #3 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-28-2006, 06:40 PM
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RE: Jesus

heckflosse_uk - 1/28/2006 6:57 PM
HAH!! Good one hecky

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post #4 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-28-2006, 08:32 PM
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post #5 of 5 (permalink) Old 01-29-2006, 01:36 AM
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RE: Jesus

Jesus and Moses were strolling by the Red Sea, when Moses nudged Jesus and said, "Psst. Hey, Jesus, I've still got it."

Moses turned towards the Red Sea and lifted his staff on high. The angels began to sing, the gentle sea breeze turned into a raging gale, and the waters of the Red Sea were parted. Moses lowered his arms and, with a smug grin on his face, turned back to face Jesus.

Jesus scoffed. "Moses, my boy," said the Messiah, "I have still got it." And with a flourish of his robes, Jesus stepped onto the waters of the Red Sea and began to stride across without so much as a ripple.

But to Moses' amazement, halfway across the water, Jesus suddenly began to sink. He splashed into the water and began to choke and flounder as the waves tossed him around. Moses grumbled at Jesus' sillyness and parted the water once more. Moses helped Jesus back to shore, as the Saviour hacked up salt water.

When they had finally reached shore, Moses slapped a consoling hand on Jesus' shoulder and said, "Don't worry about it, Lord. Last time you tried it, you didn't have holes in your feet."

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