One Liners ...... - Mercedes-Benz Forum

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post #1 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 08:15 AM Thread Starter
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One Liners ......

# 14 is my personal fave .... but contribute some new ones !


(1) My wife and I divorced over religious differences. She thought she was God and I didn't!

(2) I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

(3) I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

(4) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

(5) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

(6) Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

(7) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

(8) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

(9) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

(10) I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

(11) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

(12) NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

(13) God must love stupid people; He made so many.

(14) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

(15) Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

(16) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

(17) Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

(18) Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

(19) Procrastinate Now!

(20) I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

(21) A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

(22) A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.

(23) STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!

(24) They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

(25) He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

(26) A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

(27) HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

(28) The trouble with life is there's no background music.

(29) The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.



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post #2 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 08:19 AM
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RE: One Liners ......

(30)Are you a self-made man or can we blame someone else?
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post #3 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 08:27 AM
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RE: One Liners ......

(30) the doctors tell me i'm pregnant with an elephants baby *pats tummy* but all ive delivered so far is the trunk *grabs something else*

(31) youre only as young as the women you feel *grabs his wifes teet* and i feel 59 again!

these were both from my papaw, the big butthead reminded me so much of baloo the bear its not funny-- i get my love of crappy old cars from him-- im much thankful.

This signature removed to protect the innocent.
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post #4 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 11:33 AM
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RE: One Liners ......

(32)When you can't avoid a rape,enjoy it! (33)When God was giving brain,he was holding an umbrella!
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post #5 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 11:36 AM
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RE: One Liners ......

Quote:
Avantgarde 1998 - 1/26/2006 12:33 PM

(32)When you can't avoid a rape,enjoy it!
Huh?
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post #6 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 11:52 AM
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RE: One Liners ......

Quote:
Jillian80 - 1/26/2006 10:36 AM

Quote:
Avantgarde 1998 - 1/26/2006 12:33 PM

(32)When you can't avoid a rape,enjoy it!
Huh?
Actually, Jillian, I have to say "Huh?" to both 32 and 33. Definitely something missing somewhere...or something lost in the translation.
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post #7 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 12:00 PM
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RE: One Liners ......

How do you seperate the men from the boys in Greece?



















With a crowbar!

(ok so it was two lines)
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post #8 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 12:02 PM
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RE: One Liners ......


I hope our Greek friend remains cheerful if he finds himself in the slammer and 'Bubba' wants him as his bitch.[:D][:0][:0][:I]
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post #9 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 12:04 PM
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RE: One Liners ......

^^^^^

Sorry, I meant 'Bubbadubadopolus'
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post #10 of 16 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 12:24 PM
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RE: One Liners ......

I thought natural selection would have gotten rid of you years ago.
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