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post #41 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-25-2006, 04:38 PM Thread Starter
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RE: tell a classic

What does Michael Jackson and Caviar have in common?



They both come on little white crackers!
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post #42 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-25-2006, 05:31 PM
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RE: tell a classic

Guy goes to a fleabag where the rooms are only 20 bucks a nite.

He asks the manager,"how can you keep the prices this cheap?"

The manager replies"look buddy,we ain't got no maid service and ya gotta make your own bed"

"Is that all" the guy rejoins,"My mother taught me how to make a bed"

So the manager hands him a hammer,nails and a saw.......
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post #43 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-25-2006, 05:37 PM Thread Starter
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RE: tell a classic

Whats the difference between Michael Jackson and a pimple?

A pimple will until a boy is thirteen before he comes on his face.


Sorry...
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post #44 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-25-2006, 05:47 PM
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RE: tell a classic

Paddy and Seamus landed themselves a job at the local sawmill. Just before morning tea Paddy yelped, "Seamus, I've lost me bleedin finger!!!"
"Have you now?" says Seamus, "And how did you do it?"
"Well, I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...God damn it, there goes another one!!!"

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post #45 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-25-2006, 09:16 PM
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RE: tell a classic

Cowboy comes in after a long ride and decides to get a draft at the saloon when he notices his watch ran down.

As he approached the saloon, he noticed a guy teaming a pair of mules to a wagon. "Tell me sir, do you have the time?"

The man reaches up, fondles the left mule's balls and says, " 3:10 p.m."

As he walked off he said, "Shit, I didn't see what I just saw!"

He goes in the saloon and asks the bartender for the time. " 3:10 p.m." he says.

"Damn" as he sets his watch. "You're not going to believe this. There is a guy out there teaming some mules and he can tell time from a mule's balls!"

"Bullshit!", screams the bartender.

"Okay, I'll prove it to you!"

They walk outside and the bartender asks the mule man for the time. He reaches up and fondles the left mule's balls again. "3:15 p.m."

"Shit! That's amazing as hell! How'd you do that?"

"Both yaw comere! Now get down heres where I'm at." He reaches up, lifts the nutsack over to the left. "See dat damn clock tower over there!"
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post #46 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 03:43 AM
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RE: tell a classic

A man feared his wife was not hearing as well as she used to, and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.

The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

"Here's what you do," said the doctor. "Stand about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in
the den He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away. Let's see what
happens."

In a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
No response.

So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his
wife, and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again, no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away.
"Honey, what's for dinner?"
Again, there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

(I just love this.)


" Earl, for the 5th time, CHICKEN!
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post #47 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 03:54 AM
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RE: tell a classic

And now for your inner nerd.......................

Dr. Seuss Explains Why Computers Sometimes crash
(Read this to yourself aloud or get your computer to read the text)

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port,
and the bus is interrupted at a very last resort,
and the access of the memory makes your floppy disk abort,
then the socket packet pocket has an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash,
and the double-clicking icon puts your Window in the trash,
and your data is corrupted cause the index doesn't hash,
then your situation's hopeless and your system's gonna crash!!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house
says the network is connected to the button on your mouse,
but your packets want to tunnel to another protocol,
that's repeatedly rejected by the printer down the hall,
and your screen is all distorted by the side effects of gauss,
so your icons in the window are as wavy as a souse;
then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang,
'cuz sure as I'm a poet, the sucker's gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy's getting sloppy in the disk,
and the macro code instructions cause unnecessary risk,
then you'll have to flash the memory and you'll want to RAM your ROM.
Quickly turn off the computer and be sure to tell your Mom!
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post #48 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 07:48 AM
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RE: tell a classic

Did'ja hear about the menstruating nudist with bad diarrhoea who collected antique furniture?

She sat all day on her period stool.......
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post #49 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 09:06 AM
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RE: tell a classic

Quote:
ThrillKill - 1/25/2006 6:47 PM

Paddy and Seamus landed themselves a job at the local sawmill. Just before morning tea Paddy yelped, "Seamus, I've lost me bleedin finger!!!"
"Have you now?" says Seamus, "And how did you do it?"
"Well, I just touched this big spinning thing here like thi...God damn it, there goes another one!!!"
This one has me rolling. HAHAHAHA
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post #50 of 68 (permalink) Old 01-26-2006, 10:09 AM
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RE: tell a classic

One day a man got "I love you" tattoed on his dick and when he showed his wife she said "there you go again putting words in my mouth"
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