RE: tell a classic
Jacques Chirac, The French President, is sitting in
his office when his telephone rings.
"Hallo, Mr. Chirac!" a heavily accented Welsh voice said.
"This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare,
Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are
officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed
important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's
calculation, "there is myself, me Cousin Sean, me
next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts
team from the pub. That makes eight!"
Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have
100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my
"Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back."
Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr.
Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get
us some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Chirac asks.
"Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and
Murphy's farm tractor."
Chirac sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I
have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armoured personnel
carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000
since we last spoke."
"Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get
back to you."
Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr.
Chirac, the war is still on! We have managed to get
ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie
McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns
in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Bar
have joined us as well!"
Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his
throat. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100
bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases
are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air
missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have
increased my army to 200,000!"
"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have
to ring you back."
Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o'
the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to inform you
that we have had to call off the war."
"Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Chirac. "Why
the sudden change of heart?"
"Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few
pints of Ale, and decided there is no way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."
'61 Mercedes 220SEb coupe
'64 Land Rover IIa
'83 Mercedes 500SL