Have a Holiday Poilitically Correct Laugh ... - Mercedes-Benz Forum

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post #1 of 3 (permalink) Old 12-16-2005, 07:17 AM Thread Starter
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Have a Holiday Poilitically Correct Laugh ...

Have a laugh!!

FROM: Marcy Hicks , Human Resources Manager

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 01, 2005

RE: Christmas Party

I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the Grill House. There will be an open bar & plenty of food We'll have a small band playing traditional carols ... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our President shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pocket. This gathering is only for employees!

Our President will make a special announcement at that time!

Merry Christmas to you & your family.


FROM: Marcy Hicks , Human Resources Manager

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 02, 2005

RE: Holiday Party

In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.

We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often coincides w/Christmas, tho unfortunately not this year. However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree. No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your enjoyment.

Happy now?

Happy Holidays to you & your family



FROM: Marcy Hicks , Human Resources Manager

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 03, 2005

RE: Holiday Party

Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous requesting a non-drinking table ... you didn't sign your name. I'm happy to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads, "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed to handle this?


Forget about the gift exchange, no gift exchange is allowed since the union members feel that $10.00 is too much money & executives believe $10.00 is a little chintzy.


FROM: Marcy Hicks , Human Resources Manager

To: All Employees

DATE: December 04, 2005

RE: Holiday Party

What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating & drinking during daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'

beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until the end of the party - or else package everything for you to take it home in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet & pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are allowed to sit w/each other. Lesbians do not have to sit w/Gay men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed tho we will have booster seats for short people.

Low-fat food will be available for those on a diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those people w/high blood pressure to taste 1st. There will be fresh fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No Sugar" desserts. Sorry!

Did I miss anything?!?!?


FROM: Marcy Hicks , Human Resources Manager

TO: All Employees

DATE: December 05, 2005

RE: The Holiday Party

Vegetarian pricks I've had it w/you people!!! We're going to keep this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you so quaintly put it, & you'll get your salad bar, including organic tomatoes.

But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk & die, The B from HELL!!!

FROM: Frank Robinson, President

DATE: December 06, 2005

RE: Patty Lewis & Holiday Party

I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Marcy Hicks a speedy recovery & I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime, management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party & give everyone the afternoon of the 23rd off w/full pay.

Happy Holidays!

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post #2 of 3 (permalink) Old 12-16-2005, 09:28 AM
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RE: Have a Holiday Poilitically Correct Laugh ...

Will you be ritually decorating a generic botanical specimen?

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

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post #3 of 3 (permalink) Old 12-16-2005, 04:14 PM
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RE: Have a Holiday Poilitically Correct Laugh ...

Merry Christmas

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low stress, non-addictive, gender neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasions and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all... and a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling, and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great (not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country or is the only "America" in the Western hemisphere), and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith, or sexual orientation of the wishee.

This wish is limited to the customary and usual good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first. "Holiday" is not intended to, nor shall it be considered, limited to the usual Judeo-Christian celebrations or observances, or to such activities of any organized or ad hoc religious community, group, individual or belief (or lack thereof).

Note: By accepting this greeting, you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher at any time, for any reason or for no reason at all. This greeting is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. This greeting implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for the wishee her/himself or others, or responsibility for the consequences which may arise from the implementation or non-implementation of same.

This greeting is void where prohibited by law.
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