An A-political bit of animal humor - Mercedes-Benz Forum

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post #1 of 2 (permalink) Old 10-26-2005, 08:34 AM Thread Starter
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An A-political bit of animal humor

Searched and didn't see this, and as hard as I laughed (particularly at the latter half) I thought someone else here might like it.


8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Wow! A car ride! This is a blast!
9:40 a.m. A walk in the park! Ate some poop... Delicious!
10:30 a.m. Tummy rub! Tummy Rub! I'm in love!
12:00 p.m. Lunch! Yummy!
1:00 p.m. Playing in the yard! I just love it!
3:00 p.m. Staring adoringly at my masters...they're the best! I'll wag
my tail in joy.
4:00 p.m. Hooray! The kids are home! I'm bouncing off the walls!
5:00 p.m. Milkbones! Great!
7:00 p.m. Get to play ball! This is too good to be true!
8:00 p.m. Wow! Watching TV with my master! Heavenly!
11:00 p.m. Sleeping at the bottom of my master's bed! Life is soooooooo


Day 683 of My Captivity:

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomited on the

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their
feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it
clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
condescending comments about what a ''good little hunter'' I am. The

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,
I could hear the noise and smell the food. I overheard that my
confinement was due to my power of "allergies." I must learn what this
means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try
this again tomorrow-- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released--and he
seems more than willing to return! He is obviously retarded. The bird
has got to be an informant-- I observe him communicating with the
guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. The
captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell,
so he is safe-- for now. But I can wait.

It is only a matter of time...
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post #2 of 2 (permalink) Old 10-26-2005, 08:44 AM
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RE: An A-political bit of animal humor

“I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here.”
-- Stephen Bishop
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