GermanStar - 10/23/2005 10:59 AM
Kinda like Bozo's Circus followed by a sporting event...
Bears and Cubs Jokes
Bad News Bears
Q. How do you keep bears out of your backyard?
A. Put up a pair of goal posts.
The Three Bears are getting a divorce. The judge drags little Baby Bear in front of him and asks, "Who do you want to live with? Do you want to live with Mama Bear. Baby bear thinks for a while and says "Nooo, I don't think I want to live with Mama Bear. She beats me." The judge, somewhat agast, then asks, "Do you want to live with Papa Bear?" Again, Baby Bear says, "Nooo, I don't want to live with Papa Bear either. He beats me too." The judge, now totally amazed, asks, "Well who do you want to live with?" Baby Bear thinks and thinks and finally says "I want to live with the Chicago Bears! They don't beat anybody!"
Q. How many people does it take to change a light bulb at Wrigley Field?
A. Three. One to change it and two to talk about how good the old one was.
A man walked into a bar and sat down for a drink. He noted a dog intently watching the Packers / Bears game. Whenever the Packers scored, the dog would jump onto the bar and do a dance. This happened over and over as the Packers scored again and again, and at the end of the game the dog let out a loud howl and ran out of the bar.
The man thought this was pretty unusual and asked the bartender, "Gee, that's amazing. What happens when the Bears win?"
The bartender replied, "We don't know. The dog is only five years old."
Albert Einstein arrives at a party and introduces himself to the first person he sees and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "241." "That's wonderful!" says Einstein. "We can talk about the Grand Unification Theory and the mysteries of the universe. We will have so much to discuss!!"
Next, Einstein introduces himself to a woman and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the woman answers, "144." "That's great!" responds Einstein. "We can discuss politics and current affairs."
Finally, Einstein goes to yet another person and asks, "What is your IQ?" to which the man answers, "51." Einstein immediately responds. "How about those Cubbies?"
Q. How come Iowa doesn't have a professional football team?
A. Because then Illinois would want one too.
Say It Ain't So
Q: What does CUBS stand for??
A: Completely Useless By September